There are some wedding day stories that'll get you right in the feels … and others that'll leave you in a full-body cringe. But I promise you, there's nothing — literally NOTHING — more mortifying than one wedding planner's story that's going viral. In an anonymous Reddit post, the woman shared the unfortunate story of one of her clients, who tried drinking health shakes to drop some wedding day bloat — and instead ended up releasing a fart from hell.
The story was actually told in a comment on a wedding disaster thread, which recently started bubbling up again. And boy, it did not disappoint.
In it, the wedding planner shared that the event was already stressful because of the bride's (or should I say, bridezilla's) over-the-top requests. But being a professional, the planner did her best to handle her requests with aplomb.
As she recalls, things really only started to go downhill after the cocktail hour was winding down.
"We were prepping to transition to the entrance of the bridal party," the wedding planner explained, "which would be followed immediately by first dance and cake cutting."
But that's when it happened.
While speaking with the caterer, the wedding planner "happened to glance over and see the most curious blend of expressions pass over the bride's face, and she frantically waved down my assistant," she continued. "A few moments later, my headset beeped on, and my assistant said 'We have an issue.'"
The "issue" turned out to be the LAST thing she expected: It seems the bride had "gambled on a fart and lost in a big way."
That's right — she shat her pants, people! ON HER WEDDING DAY.
The bride was wearing a big ballgown-style dress, the wedding planner explained, and it came with a fitted, strapless top with embellished mesh. "Underneath, she had a shaper garment and hoops and slips," she continued, all in an effort to explain that there was little to no way the bride would be able to go to the bathroom easily.
But now, the bride's unexpected shart had left them in a state of emergency -- and things were turning to complete chaos.
"I radioed to everyone to expect a fifteen minute delay and they headed towards the tent," the wedding planner continued. "The fifteen minutes pass. Then twenty. Finally, my earpiece beeps on. 'The previous issue is more than we anticipated.' I ran over to find my assistant looking horrified."
Apparently, the bride tried a health shake to fix some last-minute bloating before the big day -- and got WAY more than she bargained for.
The shake + cocktails + breakfast had apparently not mixed well in the bride's stomach. And the results were … beyond compare.
"The substance that had come out of her body as a result defied explanation," the wedding planner recalled, before launching into a stomach-churning description. "It was slimy, oily even, with stringy bits and the consistency of hair gel. Not only had it been a rather profound accident, but the smell was unrivaled. Generally, a substance no human body should emit."
OH. MY. GOD.
As for all of that shapewear the bride wore under her dress? Yeah, that didn't help one bit.
"The shaper the bride wore was a latex deal that came down over the thighs and up to her bra," the poster explained. And since it was waterproof, "the poo had just sort of filled it, like a water balloon of horror."
(Gagging yet??)
The solution to the problem was almost just as gross: "My assistant had opened up the snap crotch and just released the evil trickling down the brides thighs," the poster wrote.
Her assistant then snapped the bride back in and they both tried in vain to wipe the "goo" up, but to no avail.
"Now I have a shell shocked assistant and a crying bride," the planner continued. "You can smell her four feet away. The bride is just flipping out that she's making her guests wait, that she has a choreographed dance waiting to happen, and she needs to be introduced NOW."
But the destruction the poop scene left them with wasn't exactly a quick cleanup. Diarrhea residue was embedded in her manicured nails, which left the planner "trying to scrape the poo out with a fabric stain wipe."
Meanwhile, the bride was insisting that "the show must go on, immediately." At a loss, the planner gave in and signaled for the introductions to start.
As for the groom? She said he looked "vaguely disconcerted by his new wife's odor, but I tell my assistant to distract him until they take the floor."
But the shart heard 'round the world wasn't over yet.
"Introductions happen, the dance starts, and we find some fresh horror," the wedding planner shared next.
As the bride walked over to do the choreographed dance with her new husband, the poo "squished" up and out of her waist trainer.
"To our horror, we watch as a oily stain spread across the mid back of the gown," she recalled. "As we are still cringing from this, the groom sets his hand firmly in the middle of the poo stain."
Then came the cake cutting, which was also a total nightmare. "They were feeding the cake to each other," she wrote, "both now with [expletive] stained fingers. Each was looking downright repulsed."
As the couple left the dance floor, the wedding planner had someone rush a few wet naps over to the groom and bring her the bride, whom she ushered over to a support tent.
If there was still any doubt in your mind that this wedding planner had seriously earned her paycheck, please keep reading …
"I pulled a tub of clean water from the caterers," she shared. "[The bride] walked in to find me in dish gloves and a poncho, like American Psycho. For five minutes, I was sponging down a sobbing, naked bride, while I questioned every life decision that lead to this point."
And just in case you wanted even MORE of a visual: The wedding planner helped remove the waist trainer — which she chucked in the garbage — only to discover the diarrhea was "spread in a thin layer across [the bride's] body." Next, she "scrubbed down the $15K wedding gown back in a plastic basin," before adding that the inner lining was a total loss, so she cut it out completely.
She then put the bride back in her dress and sent her back into the reception. "The groom was a sport," she said, "never directly saying anything, but asking if we could cancel the garter toss as he didn't really want to go under her skirt."
But wait, there's more. Believe it or not, she says that photos from the wedding later appeared in a magazine — though the diarrhea, thanks to her efforts, was no longer visible. Plus, "Still photos, away from the smell, were beautiful," she added.
Understandably, people were seriously grossed out by the whole messy tale.
Most people agreed that this might even be the nastiest wedding story they've ever read.
"An actual [expletive] show," wrote one commenter. "I have no words (woke my husband up while I was erupting with laughter though). You're the MVP for sure."
"So grossed out," wrote another. "I wonder how the bride looks back at that day … ? Repulsion? Pride? Complete denial?"
At least one person was able to see a bright side to the story, though. "I guess the silver lining is that the health shakes worked in fixing the bride's bloatedness," the person wrote.
Other people applauded the wedding planner for being a straight-up professional.
"You and your assistant have a level of professionalism I can only dream of attaining," one person wrote. "I think my maturity level stunted at 15."
"Hahaha this is one of the funniest stories I've ever read! You and your assistant are true professionals," another person chimed in.
Another pointed out that there was also a lesson to be learned here.
"This perfectly illustrates why you NEVER deviate from your normal routine before a big event," the commenter shared. "They had better have given you the best review of your life."
We'd have to agree — this woman deserves a KILLER Yelp review!
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
