My husband asked me what I wanted for Valentineās Day this year, and a part of me wanted to say, āOh, I donāt care, hon,ā like I have every year since becoming a mom. But this year, I decided that for Valentineās Day, I want a heavy dose of self-care, and I donāt want to feel guilty for that.
Valentineās Day as a mother means classroom parties, themed desserts for the family, volunteering, and so much more.
Itās expensive and time-consuming, to say the least. So, finding any magic for myself feels laughable at best when Iām trying so hard to make Valentineās Day feel like a fairy tale for everyone else. But that is exactly why I need self-love and why Iām really the best person to make that happen. I realized that I could use this holiday (and my husbandās offer to give me something) to get some serious self-care action. Besides, what good am I to my family if I am worn down and exhausted all the time?
Until recently, self-care has been a prickly concept for me to get behind.
If Iām being honest, I really misunderstood it as an indulgence that I just never had the time or money for. Face masks? Mani pedi? Shopping? No, thanks. I am too often drowning in chores and appointments that keep my family running.
Not only are those things just not my style, but they also sounded mildly stressful when I considered who had to book it, pay for it, then arrange my family calendar in order for me to experience the appointments to begin with. But then a friend explained to me that self-care isnāt about spending money on luxuries, even if those luxuries really are critical to feeling relaxed for some women. Self-care is about taking the time to meet my own needs, where I am and whatever they are.
It's like taking my own temperature and giving myself the time and space to do whatever I need to do to recalibrate in order to feel 100%.
Suddenly that face mask sounds pretty good. And thatās when the idea of self-care became a revolutionary idea that on its face seems so simple but the act of committing to is so profound.Ā
The truth is, moms already do so much heavy lifting when it comes to raising children, holding down careers and homes and relationships, that there is often very little energy or motivation left to tend to our own desires and needs. But if we can give ourselves permission to put a priority on ourselves — however that manifests itself — then we are giving ourselves permission to be our best versions of ourselves.
So instead of flowers or jewelry, I asked my husband if I could give him the keys to the kingdom for a day.
Although I love my family, I know that getting some time away from them is just as important as all those hugs and heart-shaped chocolates we love to share together on V Day. This year we are doing things differently: After we have our family Valentineās Day time together, Iām planning to take myself to a local cafe where I plan to sip tea and read for an afternoon. It might not be a fancy spa treatment (Iām totally open to that, too), but it is exactly the kind of thing that my soul just craves and my mind needs.
"Treat yo self" may look different for every mom, but the concept of carving out the time, space, and self-permission to do it is the greatest act of self-love a mom can give herself.
