OK, not that sex canât be primo all year-round (hereâs hoping that it is for you because it definitely should be). But according to science, when it starts to get colder and the clocks fall back, you significantly increase your chances of having consistently better sex.
Letâs look into why, along with some other things that science says can help you to feel more satisfied in the bedroom department.
So really, why is sex better when you 'fall' back?
Even though spring signifies awakenings, itâs also the time of year when allergies like to act up. Summer is when weâre all hot ân sticky. Winter is nice, but it also comes with a good amount of holiday stress and sometimes bouts of seasonal depression as well. So, that leaves the fall/autumn time of year.
Although itâs certainly not exempt from seasonal depression due to the fact that days are shorter and it stays darker longer, the reason many medical professionals and sex experts still say that itâs the best time for great intimacy experiences is because menâs testosterone levels tend to peak while our female hormone glands are the most active, too. This is actually why a lot of babies (myself included) are born in the summer â itâs because they were conceived in the fall.
And since sex ramps up oxytocin (the love and cuddle hormone) as well as dopamine (the hormone that causes you to feel pleasure) levels â having more sex can help to curb any feelings of sadness or melancholy that fall may trigger.
So, if there have been more urges to spend more time in bed (not sleeping) lately, why ignore them? Accordingly to science, you should âfall back into themâ ⊠quite literally.
Whatâs the best time of day to have sex?
While weâre breaking down the things that science says about the optimal times for sex, have you ever wondered what the literal best time of day for sex is? You know, before getting into this part, what I will say is if youâre an engaged person reading this (and youâre not living with your partner), it is really important to know who is the morning person and who is the night owl.
Believe you me, something as simple as this can help to make or break a sex life because we often want sex when weâre our most alert â and there is nothing like getting irritated as hell by a partner who tries to wake you out of your sound REM sleep in order to get them some.
With that lilâ pearl of wisdom out of the way, although Iâm not sure how time zones account for this (LOL), science says that 3 p.m. is the most ideal time for coitus. Menâs estrogen levels are higher, which makes them want to cuddle more while our cortisol levels are peaking which means we have more tension to release. Not only that, but our energy levels are higher.
After 3 p.m., the next best time is actually 7:30 a.m. if you want to give yourself an energy boost (which can make you more positive and productive throughout the day) and then 10:45 a.m. because thatâs around the time when your partner will have more cortisol running through his system.
So, you know what all of this means, right? If you and your partner are at home during business hours, itâs a good idea to schedule a "late lunch." And if youâre not â it is absolutely morning sex for the win! Morning sex can help to boost your immunity. Morning sex can de-stress you. Morning sex can improve your memory. Morning sex can cause your skin to glow. Morning sex can make you feel closer to your partner throughout the day, too.
For the record, morning sex doesnât have to be all-out R&B song sessions (you know, âmaking love all night longâ). A quickie can also get the job done. Which, interestingly enough, brings me to my next timing point.
How long should sexual encounters last?
Youâve probably heard somewhere before that men can climax in five minutes (shocking, right?) while it typically takes us somewhere between 20 and 25 minutes (although the average is around 13.4 minutes). Hmph. Iâm pretty sure it goes without saying that, for us, there has to be some foreplay that happens before intercourse transpires in order for these results to hold any real merit. How much? 10 minutes of good foreplay will work.
So, if it takes us around half of a 30-minute sitcom to reach our peak, then thatâs how long sex should last, right? I mean, if I can only give a âyesâ or ânoâ response to that then ⊠yes. However, what I did research is a lot of people are fine with sex being anywhere between seven and 13 minutes. What experts also shared is two to three minutes is too short and 10 to 30 minutes can start pushing the envelope of being too long (sounds like a lot of parents got surveyed, eh?).
Of course, to each their own on this. What I will say here is, if your partner is truly in tune with your body and your sexual needs, Iâm not sure why he would need all night long to please you anyway. Like ⊠whatâs really going on?
How often should you have sex?
Sex is not the same thing for everyone, including when it comes to how often it transpires. At the same time, I think we all can agree that if two people are married, physically capable of having sex and yet arenât having it, thatâs a significant red flag. Because when youâre in this type of union, sex is to be seen and treated like a responsibility within the relationship â not just âsomething to do." Why? Because one of the things that makes your relationship with your spouse unique from all others is the fact that you actually have sex with them.
So, when it comes to sex, when should the two of you be concerned that something is off? According to many experts, a sexless marriage is when a couple engages in sex no more than 10 to 15 times a year. If you happen to fall into this category (and there arenât extenuating circumstances, of course), please see a reputable marriage therapist, counselor, or life coach (maybe even a sex therapist). On average, though, many reports say that if a married couple has sex once a week they are in a really good spot.
So, if we boil all of this down â sex during the fall, at 3 p.m., for 13 minutes, once a week is the key to a fulfilling sex life. Try it and let me know. Iâm curious. LOL.
Shellie R. Warren is a marriage life coach, doula, and the author of Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption.
