Having a blended family is a delicate balance. When you’re both bringing kids into a relationship, many parents believe their duty is to those children first, even if it means putting the new family second. One dad on Reddit is upholding his duty to make his children a priority over the new family he’s created. And his wife is doing the same with her own children.
But the children have needs that are at odds with each other. Now, the dad is left wondering if he’s making the right decision.
He and his wife have been together for six years, and each have two kids from previous relationships.
The dad explained in the AITA forum that his children are 9 and 11, and his wife has a 15-year-old and 16-year-old. Her children live with their dad, who has recently gotten permission from the court to move out of state with them. Naturally, she doesn’t want to be away from her children for long periods of time and has expressed an intention to move closer to them.
Her husband supports this but says he won’t move his own children, whose mother died when they were young, to be closer to hers. “My kids don’t want to move either,” he said, mentioning they’d heard his wife talk about moving.
The couple talked about the future and came to a sad conclusion.
“I already know the life my kids have here is what they need and where they thrive,” he wrote in his post. When he told this to his wife, she was “devastated.” In her mind, they can’t make their marriage work if they’re living in two places.
“I said I agree and I told her I believe the best way forward would be to divorce,” he said. His wife asked him if there was any way she could get him to change his mind. “I told her I won’t move my children and I would never ask her to be apart from her kids for months at a time.”
He reminded her they’re “both committed to the best interest of our individual children and that means doing what’s right for them even if it’s not right for us as a couple.”
They’ve continued to talk, but his wife is “making arrangements for a place where her ex and kids now live and a new job,” he revealed. “I think she believed I would change my mind the more we discussed everything but I have not and now she’s angry that I would rather our marriage end than move so we can all be together as a family.”
Everyone thinks he is making the right decision by putting his kids over his blended family.
“As a parent you need to do what’s best for your kids,” one commenter wrote. “It’s sad that your marriage will have to end but it’s unfair to uproot your kids. Even more so since her kids choose to live with their dad and are older teens who will become more and more independent in the coming years.”
“Why is she getting angry at you? Whilst she did the right thing by putting her children first, she’s the one that broke the family dynamic,” another person commented. “She just thought you’d follow after her and is angry because you didn’t bow to her demands. That’s not thinking as a family.”
“She has to think about her kids. And so do you. Sadly, this is the downside of blended family. You’re making the right decision,” yet another person chimed in. “Your children have already lost their mother. You are right to not want them to lose anything else.”
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