Blending families is almost always a challenge in some way. For the common parent, they have to find ways to make the children from their previous relationships feel that they’re still loved, while managing the feelings of their new partner. One dad on Reddit knows that all too well because he’s been doing everything he can to make that transition work.
But, he didn’t realize how much his new wife resented his kids until they had children of their own. Now that he’s trying to have them all live under one roof, it’s become unmanageable. He’s made it clear, however, that he will always choose his kids, even if it means kicking his wife out of his home.
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The dad took his dilemma to Reddit for advice.
Posting in Reddit’s AITAH forum, the dad explained that he and his second wife Amanda, have two daughters together, ages 4 and 2. He also has two children from a previous marriage, 17-year-old Liam and 15-year-old Sage. The teens have spent every other weekend and Wednesdays with their dad throughout his six-year second marriage.
“A few weeks ago my older kids asked if they could live with us full-time due to issues with their stepdad. Liam especially had come to blows with him a few times and even their mother thought it would be for the best,” he wrote. “I did talk to my wife about it and I know she wasn’t happy as she feels uncomfortable around my older kids, although this is something she neglected to tell me until we had our first child together.”
The transition to being a full-time blended family has been a challenge for everyone.
According to the dad, before his kids moved in, his wife would take their daughters out when his kids would come on Wednesdays. This wasn’t something he ever asked her to do. He wants to get the family therapy, but says his “wife is against it.”
Although he understands the difficulty of being a stepparent, he claims his teens are “really good kids.” This has made it harder to watch his wife “nitpick everything” the older kids do. To him, it feels like “she’s waiting for them to slip up so she can send them back to their mom’s.” Additionally, there was fighting during the holidays “due to her trying to push them out of our traditions.”
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Their 4-year-old is going through a biting phase, causing the tensions to come to a head.
He explained that his daughter Becca bit her older sister, and the teen hit her because of the shock. “Things continued escalating and our girls were crying and Amanda screamed at both of my older kids to leave. Sage told her she would so she could calm down and that p—ed Amanda off more. Liam and Sage left for a friends and ended up spending the night there,” he wrote in his post.
The dad shared that his wife wants him to send his teens back to their mother’s home “permanently,” but he refuses to do that. “I told her this morning that it was an accident and she needed to let it go but she’s refusing, even threatening to call the police,” he revealed. She also claimed she “could never be comfortable” with her girls around their sister as a result of the hitting, and took them to her parents’ home for the night.
“Amanda has been texting me that she’ll be back tomorrow and the kids needed to be gone,” he wrote. “I was ignoring her but finally said this was their home and if she was uncomfortable she could pack up and leave.”
He doesn't want to break up his family, but his kids are his priority.
After the argument with his wife, the man consulted his parents. They validated his feelings but told him he “shouldn’t have” kicked his wife out.
“I know there are some things you can take back but at this point I almost mean it,” he admitted. The dad claims his wife has been “terrible,” since his kids have moved in, and he feels like she’s “become a different person.”
People are fully on his side.
In the comments, people were overwhelmingly supportive of the dad, sharing that his support of his children over his wife is the right choice.
“This woman doesn’t want your children in the family. You do not have a choice at this point,” one person commented. “Your wife is against therapy and doesn’t want to work through this. Your older children must be so confused and feel the constant rejection from your wife, let alone their mother.”
“I get the feeling that your wife was expecting you’d move on from your older kids once you and she had your children together. That they would be your new family and you’d just forget the first one,” someone else wrote. “She underestimated your commitment to your children, she expected you to choose her. It’s important to show all four of your kids that they’ll be in your top priorities always.”
“As a stepmom, I hate people like your wife. She’s the type that gives us a bad name. She needs to leave. Protect your children,” another person wrote.
“If she didn’t want to be a stepmom, she shouldn’t have married someone with kids. Keep standing up for your kids, specially knowing that (basically) they only have you now,” another comment reads.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
