Dating someone new is exciting, but it can definitely be tricky to date someone who already has a child. This goes double for one woman, who says that her boyfriend’s ex always asks him to do daddy-duty during their dates — and it’s really started to get on her nerves.
As the woman explained, she met her boyfriend “Will” about five months ago.
In the Original Poster’s eyes, her new boyfriend is great. He’s “sweet and loving” and — he’s also a dad.
Everytime the OP and Will plan a date, Will’s ex will call “and demand he take their son to stay with him,” she explained in her post on Reddit's AITA forum. “They never married so there's no legal custody arrangements in place.”
Whenever this happens, the OP and Will have to cancel their plans.
It’s starting to seem fishy to the OP.
“I told him his baby mama has been doing this deliberately, he said he noticed too but can not tell her no because if he refuses to take their son, she'd not allow him to see him for a whole month as a punishment,” she wrote. “I told Will he has to put an end for this because it's affecting how our relationship is progressing and he said he'll try.”
Things came to a head when Will invited his girlfriend out to dinner recently.
She was so excited because “he told me he was already at the restaurant.”
“I thought ‘his baby mama doesn't know so she won't wreck our plans,’” she recalled.
The OP got all dolled up and even did her hair so they could have a nice night together. Little did she know that there’d be an extra-special guest at their table when she arrived.
“When I arrived to the restaurant I saw Will and his son there,” she wrote.
She was furious and disappointed. Will tried to wave her over to the table, but she was so mad she just turned around and left.
“He followed me outside trying to explain but I decided to go home and the date was obviously canceled,” she wrote.
Will texted the OP later and tried to explain. His ex somehow found out about their date and again asked him to watch their son.
“He said he didn't want to ‘be punished’ but neither wanted to cancel our date so he brought his son to the restaurant and I was wrong to turn around and walk out,” she wrote.
To the OP enough was enough. She was tired of his ex “dictating our life and being intentionally hurtful,” but Will argued that he’d tried to compromise and was hurt the OP ruined their night.
“Maybe I did but I just wanted a quiet dinner for us both and I'm disappointed that he once again let his baby mama bully him into doing what she wanted,” she explained.
“Am I the A–hole?”
The comments section was divided — some people thought the OP needed to be more flexible.
“You could have chosen to let him know you were displeased and made the most of the dinner. You could have communicated to him that you weren't happy in the moment, didn't want to stay, and that you'd talk later. You could have done any number of things, but you chose to act like a petulant child," one commenter wrote. "You're dating a single parent. If you can't handle what comes with dating a single parent, then don't date a single parent."
“Don’t date someone with a kid if you don’t want a kid around," another commenter agreed.
“[You're the A–hole], the only one that counts is the 2-year-old," someone else wrote. "If boyfriend wants time with you, he can get the visitation formalized. I admire that he prioritizes his child."
Other people thought Will needed to have some strong words with his ex.
“[Not the A–hole] — never choose a weak person to build a life with," wrote one commenter. "He should have put a custody plan in place long ago."
“[Not the A–hole]. But I’m really concerned he seems to share his everyday activities with his ex. How would she otherwise know you’re having a date?" another person wondered. "If he can’t speak up for himself and tell his ex no, then he’s not ready for a new relationship. Also, you can arrange custody plans without being married and I suggest he gets one fixed soon so she can’t just withhold the kid like she wants. There is really no excuse, he just doesn’t bother."
A third commenter wrote "Will needs to get his s— together and get a legal custody agreement" and added this:
"I don't know what country you're in or what the laws are like, but in many countries not ever having been married does not prevent anyone from doing that. Removing yourself from the situation until this issue is addressed is exactly how appropriate boundaries work. I am guessing that Will is leaning on you to 'play nice' because he thinks you are more reasonable and more easy to push over than his ex. Stick to your boundaries."
Later in the thread, the OP wrote that she really didn't have a problem with Will's son.
"Look, I wrote this this and then felt sad seeing people hear saying that my issue was with his child — it wasn't, it really wasn't," she wrote in her response to one commenter. "I love his son and love being with him. I could've stayed and had dinner there with his son present but the atm[o]sphere wouldn't [have] felt the same.
"Will is kind and loving, what's more admirable about him is that he cares about his son," she continued. "But this issue is just … I feel like it's ruining everything.
"It's not about him spending time with his son, really that is not the issue," she added. "It's the woman acting hostile towards me and ruining our plans deliberately."
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