Sometimes, when people get married, they already have children from previous relationships. Blending two families can be wonderful, but it can also be a challenge. All the adults involved have to do their best to work hard to ensure the kids are loved and well taken care of. Unfortunately, sometimes life isn't perfect and not everyone has great relationships with their new family members.
A stepmom in Reddit's AITA forum doesn't have the best relationship with her stepson, and recently, things have gotten downright weird. She's busted him going through her underwear twice, and now she doesn't want him around — at all. Is she wrong for feeling unsafe with a snooping teenager in the house?
More from CafeMom: Stepdad Cancels Family Trip After Stepson ‘Damaged’ All His Plants & Mom Calls It 'Abuse'
The two have never been particularly close.
The original poster, 32, and her husband, 35, have been married for six years. They don't share any children, but he has a 16-year-old son from a previous relationship. OP and her stepson aren't best friends, but they have mostly gotten along fine. Recently, however, he started doing things she doesn't like.
"Since my husband and I got married his son came for sleepovers. I personally never liked the boy's behavior he was a bit rude but I never interfered with him and let his father talk with him whenever something bad happened," she wrote. "However, some months ago I caught him peeking into my undergarments stuff, mind you he is a 16 yrs old now and we never had the mother-son bond that would justify such an act. He begged me not to expose him to his father and I agreed. I agreed and warned him about."
It went from just window shopping to stealing.
OP explained that she caught the boy taking her stuff, and she was not happy. She saw him sneaking out of her room and found two bras in his backpack. She told his dad what was happening, and he has been restricted from their house without his dad around ever since. But something came up that complicated things.
"Now the mother is traveling but she can't take her son with her because of school, and he can't cook , clean or anything so he can't stay alone and she wants him to stay with us for the month she's traveling," she wrote.
She is not having it and said her husband can stay with the boy instead of the boy staying with them. Is she wrong?
Redditors understood why OP was upset.
They felt she was justified in not wanting the kid rifling through her things. A lot of people thought it was unsettling.
"NTA OP, I don't blame you for not wanting him there, he sounds creepy. At 16, he's old enough to know what he did crosses a load of boundaries. Sounds like your solution may be the best one," someone commented.
"NTA. He's a creep and you have no idea what he might be capable of. You also gave a good suggestion for your husband staying in the mom's house," another person else agreed.
It was a violation of privacy for others.
"So he is rising 17 at this point so not too far off being an adult and likely has adult male strength and size he has already gone through and stolen your underwear…Nope I don't think you are unreasonable to not want to sleep under the same roof as or end up alone with him," another comment reads.
This person also pointed out that he didn't stop the first time, and that's the real problem. "Bad enough the first time he violated your privacy, but with the generous opportunity not to be exposed to his father, he did it again. He is not a safe person to have around with this behavior. He is old enough to know better," the person commented.
But not everyone agreed.
After all, this is OP's husband's kid, and he has to take care of him. One person wrote, "Nta but that's still his son and he has an obligation to him. Can you put a biometric doorknob on your bedroom? Only yours and your husband's fingerprint can open the door. I would also dive further into the thought process going on in your stepsons head. Is he perhaps taking them to try them on? With them being in his bag, I'd think he may be wearing them elsewhere."
And others think that OP just doesn't like her stepson.
"You don't like the boy. That's obvious. Have you ever had children yourself? I would talk to and get the know the boy. You could establish a rapport with him, a friendship, but with you being the respected adult, but having him learn that he can trust you, so he talks to you," someone suggested. "That would be a much healthier dynamic than basically thinking of him as your enemy, which it seems you are doing now."
"He's still a kid, only 16, so now is the time to learn to talk to him. He's doing things you don't like, so tell him why it's not acceptable behavior and why it bothers you. Treat him like a human being, a kid. He's not your enemy," someone wrote. "He's probably struggling with his parents being divorced and being with other people. Show him how a decent adult behaves, and he will learn by example. He probably needs some decent, direct, honest, up-front adults in his life right now."
More from CafeMom: Man Seriously Creeped Out After Learning His Nephew Has Been Stealing His Dirty Underwear
There need to be boundaries.
Redditors agreed that the situation is uncomfortable at best and that OP, her husband, and stepson need to set boundaries. They were impressed that OP's husband didn't fight her, and it appeared they all just want a happy solution.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
