My Stepson’s Mom Is Pissed Because I Shaved His Head Without Her Permission

beemore/iStock

You may have noticed that hair trends have changed in the last few years. Due to the pandemic and people being unable to leave their homes, many have switched things up. Some who previously colored their hair embraced a more natural look, while others let things grow to try something new. And this includes kids. We are seeing a lot of long hair on younger people these days. But for some, all good things must come to an end, and it's time for a change.

What would you do if you were a stepmom and your stepson came to you with shoulder-length hair and asked for a buzz cut? Let's put it into context. A woman was already cutting her other kids' hair, and her stepson wanted in on the fun. She texted his dad and asked him if it was OK, and he agreed. She didn't text the boy's mom though, and she was royally ticked when her son returned to her house. The stepmom now feels horrible and posted in Reddit's AITA forum wondering if she crossed a boundary.

This was by no means a forced situation.

via GIPHY

The original poster was cutting her boys' hair; she and her husband have three kids, who are 2, 4, and 5. They also share 50/50 custody of her husband's boys, 10 and 13. They usually go to a barber when they are with their mom. But the 10-year-old thought her cuts looked pretty good and asked if he could have a buzz cut, too. OP checked in with her husband, who gave her the OK.

"My husband asked if I would wait till he came home so he could watch and record it. When he came home I shaved it and he was very happy with the result," she wrote.

Seems fair.

Oh boy. His mom saw it, and it all hit the fan.

When the boys returned to their mom, she was big mad that OP cut her son's hair without talking to her first. First, she called her ex and went nuts on him. Then, she went straight to Instagram and went after OP.

"She messaged me on IG to have a go at me and say I had no right cutting her sons hair without her permission and that it was a big change and I shouldn't have allowed him to do it implosively," OP explained. "I didn't reply to her because I didn't want to feed into any drama. I thought stepson was happy with his haircut and that's all that really matters."

We all know that hindsight is 20/20, and OP feels like she might have made a mistake. Reddit, what say you?

Dad said it was OK. Isn't that enough?

via GIPHY

A lot of people on Reddit certainly thought so. He is the boy's parent, too. Why does he have to run everything that happens at his house by their mother for her approval?

"NTA," someone wrote. "You got the OK from his dad, and he is old enough to make his own decisions about his hair anyways. It would have been real weird for you to call his mom and ask after his dad already said to go ahead."

"Your stepson asked you to give him a buzzcut and you asked him if he was sure and got confirmation from his dad," another person agreed. "It sounds like your stepson was very happy with the result and that should be the most important thing. It's understandable that his mom was upset, but it's not like you made the decision without consulting anyone. You also didn't feed into any drama, which is always a good thing."

An astute Redditor made an excellent point. Is mom checking with dad when they hit the barber?

That person wrote: "NTA. Father approved. Unless they communicate and agree on every haircut or hairstyle, dad has a right just like mother does seeing as how it's 50/50. Went through this with my step kids."

But a buzz cut is a pretty drastic change.

OK, the permission factor was there, and the kid loved it, but you are talking about a serious change to the kid's appearance. We are all about body autonomy, but was it fair for his mom to be totally shocked when he walked through the door? Some Redditors say, shame on you.

"Yta you should have texted her first like you did you husband," one Redditor wrote.

But for some, OP wasn't totally awful. "Mild YTA," one comment reads. "There was no reason to rush into anything. Maybe she would have talked him into a different cut had she known he wanted shorter hair. Ultimately it should be his decision, but you didn't have to be part of it. You know if someone changed your child's hair you might be upset by it."

"YTA – You reached out to one of his parents, not both," someone else pointed out. "While the child may choose a haircut that is impressed upon them or join in with the rest of the step kids you don't know the reason for him growing it. You should have contacted his bio mom for permission. By not doing this you have created the classic 'Mom said no so I asked dad' situation. It's not your kid. Stay the hell away from his hair!!!!"

Yeah, good point.

OP, you're not a total jerk.

via GIPHY

Redditors were torn, but most people don't think you're a villain; they want you to think first next time. You're a mom, too. How would you feel? Maybe it wouldn't bother you, but you always need to err on the side of caution.

If it is something big, check with both parents. A simple text is always the way to go because, well … receipts. Plus, it saves you drama. Lord knows, ain't nobody got time for that.