When you enter into a marriage, you want it to last forever. You plan a life together and build a family and a home. That's what dreams are made of. Sadly, things don't always end that way. Sometimes a partner cheats and ruins everything that you've worked for. Affairs are ugly and devastating. It can be particularly difficult when it seems to come out of nowhere.
A woman on Reddit's True Off My Chest forum posted about how her husband's affair blindsided her and that it wasn't even him who told her. She learned from an attorney, and now has to confront her husband before an upcoming family wedding. Her heart is broken, and she doesn't know what to do.
The affair seemed to come out of nowhere.
The original poster explained that she had no idea her husband was having an affair. She received a call out of the blue from an attorney. She didn't need an attorney, so she was confused. The attorney explained that her client wanted a divorce from his wife because she was having an affair. She then dropped the bomb, announcing that the affair was with OP's husband.
"Their investigator found the affair is with my husband and the client asked the solicitor to inform me since my husband is married. She provided me with proof of the affair," she explained.
Her brother-in-law is about to get married.
OP's brother-in-law is getting married soon, and her husband is set to be the best man. He has already traveled to the wedding destination, and OP and their 5-month-old baby — yes baby — are supposed to meet them there.
"My husband is unaware that I know. I am shocked but the proof is right in front of my eyes," she said.
OP hasn't told anyone about the affair.
OP was caught so off guard by the affair that she hasn't even had a chance to tell anyone. She invited her sister to come over after work to get it off her chest.
"I'm going to ask if my daughter and me can stay with her. I don't think I can face him at the wedding. I don't want to hear excuses," she explained.
OP says her sister's husband is an attorney but does not handle divorces. She will ask him for help to get things dealt with and move on. She now needs some words of encouragement.
Redditors were on OP's side from the beginning.
The Reddit community is not a fan of OP's husband. They want her to stay as far away from him as she can. Some suggested that she have a plan of action.
"Plus, be sure to take any important documents with you, birth certificates, social insurance card, passports, etc and anything especially sentimental that would be hard to replace," one person advised. "Open a bank account at a different bank and move some money over."
Another advised her to lock him out of everything. "Also make sure to change any usernames and passwords on all accounts you do not want him to have access to: social media, your personal banking, etc," the person wrote.
"Get all of your necessary documents and sentimental things to a safe neutral spot," another person suggested. "Do not leave the home if you have any interest in staying there. Get your lawyer lined up. Do you have your own bank account? If not, set one up. Call your doc and get an STD screen. And if you don't already have a therapist, get one. This is such a long road (I've walked it). But I promise… life is very good on the other side. You sound amazingly strong and you can do this."
Why should OP leave the house?
She isn't the one who had an affair, so why should OP leave the house? Shouldn't her husband be the one to be inconvenienced?
One commenter wrote: "Don't leave the house. Make him leave the house if you can. Lawyer up before you make ANY decisions. These decisions can have consequences. It may end up he gets the house and you don't."
"I would not leave the house," another person wrote. "See if your sister can come stay with you for a while. She can help you pack up his stuff and move it out of the master bedroom and into a spare room. Have a lock installed on the master bedroom. If you do not have it yet, install a ring camera on the front door and cameras outside your home."
Others warned her to protect her daughter: "DO NOT LEAVE THE MARITAL HOME! YOU WILL WRECK YOUR DIVORCE PROCESS AND GIVE HIM A MASSIVE BENEFIT!!! Now I have your attention… Make sure you also do not block him from seeing his kid(s), which is what your original plain entails. His affair will look insignificant to a judge to you leaving the home, and taking the kids with you."
There was lots of empathy for OP.
Others shared their struggles and similar circumstances.
"Oh honey that really sucks," someone commented. "I know, because I found out my husband was cheating when our baby was 3 months old. It's like your world is falling apart, and you have no idea where the pieces will land. I know you didn't ask for advice, but just in case it helps in any way- Do whatever you need to do to stay mentally and emotionally on top of things. Go see someone to help you start working through it, because grief is a process, but as a mum to a baby you get precious little time to yourself."
Another person told a scary story: "I was in a similar Situation where I was accused of having an affair where they sent pics of me hugging a friend of over 20 years in a grocery store and taking an innocent situation and almost getting me shot. Thanks to my ex for stalking me and trying to use an insecure spouse to react with violence. Luckily I wasn't home when a drunk husband showed up on my doorstep with a shotgun otherwise I wouldn't have hesitated to protect myself."
Above all, Redditors want OP to stay strong and be safe. OP, you and your daughter, deserve the best. Make your plan and stick to it. He has made his decisions and has to live with the consequences.
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