Weddings are expensive, like crazy expensive. The more people you invite, the spendier it becomes, so a lot of people are opting for smaller gatherings these days. Not only does this save money, but it helps to create a more intimate occasion. But who do you invite, and where do you draw the line? It can be complicated.
A bride-to-be had her guest list ready to go when she approached her mom and told her she could invite a few people to the wedding. Her mom returned with more than 100 guests to add to the list, and the bride wasn't having it. She posted in Reddit's AITA forum, wondering if she was wrong for telling her mom that there was no way that she was inviting all of these people and that she needed to make some serious cuts.
The bride had already included the most important people on her list.
The original poster wrote that she and her fiancé had a list of 135 people. She only wants immediate family "grandparents, aunts/uncles, and 1st cousins" there. They were all already included in her count.
But, her mom went nuts with her list of additions and came back with an additional 61 family members and 80 friends. OP told her that was insane.
"Our venue max is 200 people, but we wanted to keep it under 150 for both budget and only want people we both know," she wrote.
OP told her mom no, and she got all kinds of upset.
No surprise, OP's mom was not happy when she told her that she could have 20 people, not 141! Well, her parents threw a fit and told OP that she ought to just go to Vegas to get married without anyone if she wouldn't let them invite who they wanted. Then they started with the sob stories.
"Then they tried to guilt trip me saying I would hurt these family member's feelings and can never repair the relationship… I've talked to my extended family maybe 3 times in my life. There is no relationship. So, AITA for putting my foot down and not letting my Mom invite an extra 120 people to my wedding?" OP wrote.
Who is paying for this wedding?
OP, if you are the one writing the checks, then Redditors think you obviously get final say on the guest list.
"My wife and I paid, we decided on the invite list, we sent the invites," one person wrote. "Our parents were guests. NTA."
"But, how can she show off and be the center of attention if every single person she knows isn't invited?" another commented. "Ask dad how much he's paying for the new venue and additional costs. I don't hear the sound of his wallet creaking open for his 3rd cousin, twice removed."
"Oh yikes," someone exclaimed. "She wants to invite enough people to have a whole other wedding. I'd tell her that if she absolutely must celebrate your marriage with that many other people, then that is a party she can plan and pay for. Like an engagement party or something. Otherwise it just sounds like she wants to invite those people to a free meal."
Does mom know this party isn't about her?
There seems to be a bit of confusion about who this party is for. It's for OP and her groom. It's not about your mom, it's about you.
One commenter wrote: "NTA. Your Mom is out of control. She wants to invite MORE people than you are."
"NTA!" someone else wrote. "This is exactly why I'll be doing what your mother suggested and go to Vegas and get married. I'll have a family bbq to celebrate afterwards. Your Mom doesn't want those people there bc they love you and wanna celebrate your day, she wants to show you off like a prize pig at the county fair."
Tell your momma to save her drama.
OP, this is your day, do what you want. Take the Redditors' advice and tell mom that if she wants to invite all those people, she can host a party of her own. This is your wedding, and you should have who you like. It isn't up to her. Or, you could bag it all and head off to see Elvis. Some Redditors think that's a good plan.
"I can only agree with one thing your Mom said…elope to Vegas ," a comment read. "Seriously, I've had two granddaughters get engaged/married in the last year. The stress those girls had was ridiculous. Do yourself a favor and get married in Vegas and throw a huge bash when you get back."
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