Losing a child is one of the most traumatic and life-altering events a marriage can endure. Although some studies have claimed parents are eight times more likely to divorce after such a loss, further research indicates that it’s an impossible statistic to comment on, as there are so many factors surrounding such a significant event.
Research does show, however, that grieving the loss of a child is different from “typical grief,” which is generally processed in a few months. A more “typical timeline of grief” for parents starts out intensely for two weeks and is followed by two months of strong grieving. From there, it’s a slow recovery that takes about two years. Other studies suggest even this timeline is too short when it comes to losing a child.
All of that to say, a couple will often start to see major changes within themselves and their family members following a significant loss. One bereaved mom is facing an impossible situation thanks to her manipulative future MIL following the loss of her child.
She began by explaining on Reddit that they both cut contact with her due to “toxic” behavior and, for two years, “lived in peace” — until they found themselves expecting.
My monster-in-law used our miscarriage to make herself the victim. Fiancé thinks I’m overreacting.
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“Given everything, we chose not to tell her,” she stated in her post. “That moment wasn’t hers to have. It was ours. We wanted to build a new chapter for our family, not one she could infect with her toxicity.
“Then we lost the baby. It was devastating,” she continued in the post. “Grief like that changes you. It changes your relationship. It breaks something inside you that you can’t fully explain.”
Somehow, the MIL found out, and her response was predictably toxic — and beyond the pale of acceptable.
“It was: ‘You’re blaming me.’ ‘She’s selfish.’ ‘Maybe God didn’t want you to have the baby,'” the woman shared, noting she heard her say that via an audio message. “I’m not paraphrasing. She said those exact words. No empathy. No humanity. Just centering herself, playing the victim, and even daring to frame our miscarriage as divine punishment for our choices.”
Naturally fed up, the woman demanded that the MIL be fully cut from their lives. But her partner’s reaction was totally unexpected: He said she was overreacting. Then the cavalry showed up — family members defending this MIL and even accusing the grieving mom of “changing” her fiancé.
“And the worst part? It’s working. My fiancé is pulling away. He’s confused, defensive, distant,” she confessed. “He doesn’t see how toxic this all is because he’s been raised to tolerate it, to minimize it, to survive in it. He thinks keeping the peace is neutral, but in reality, it’s siding with her. Meanwhile, I feel alone. I’m grieving a baby I lost, and now I feel like I’m losing him too.”
She then turned to Reddit, asking for advice on what to do with a partner who won’t set hard boundaries — and Redditors responded in droves.
“Tell him that she wins,” advised one Redditor. “He’s shown his loyalty and devotion is to your bully, and you’ve realized he’s not available to be in an adult relationship because he’s already committed to Mommy Dearest. Go somewhere to heal and realize what you want and need is not a little boy still tripping over the umbilical cord.”
“She’s toxic. He’s enmeshed. Don’t marry him until he gets therapy and proves he can put you first,” added another commenter.
Others went on to stress that if they did marry, this woman would likely infiltrate the marriage, especially if they end up having another child together. It was fairly unanimous among Redditors: The grieving mom needs to walk away for her own sanity.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
