Emotions can run high when planning a wedding. After securing a venue and setting the date, the soon-to-be bride and groom must figure out food, music, clothing, invitations, and more. Combine these logistics with family members inserting their opinions where they don't belong, and it's a recipe for drama.
One Reddit user recently vented about a major tiff with his mom after setting the date for his wedding. The groom explained that his stepsister is busy on the day of their nuptials. His mother insists, however, that they change the date so the stepsister can attend — and she's livid because the Reddit user refuses to do that.
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The Reddit user explained the situation about his stepsister being unable to attend the wedding.
The original poster, or OP, a 29-year-old male, and his fiancée, a 26-year-old female, recently set the date for their wedding. On September 6, the OP sought out the opinions of others in the AITA subReddit.
"My mom reached out after learning the date and all panicked told me that my stepsister (27f) couldn't make it and I should call her up and check different dates to find when would work better," the Redditor explained.
The soon-to-be groom stood his ground.
"I told her that wasn't happening and our date is the date we've chosen, if my stepsister can't make it then the world won't end," the OP continued. "My mom was taken aback by my response. She asked me how I could say that. She told me a sibling or any immediate family member missing a wedding is a big deal."
The Redditor explained that his mother prioritized the stepsister when they were growing up.
The groom detailed that his mom remarried four years after his dad died to a man who had a daughter from a previous marriage.
"Our plans once mom remarried revolved around my stepsister," he wrote. "Christmas every other year was celebrated at a different time because she was with her mom and not us. Family parties were missed if she wasn't around because mom was p—ed at anyone in the extended family who didn't make sure my stepsister could be there."
Unfortunately, the mom didn't treat the sons from her first marriage with such reverence.
"She never made everything stop for us though," he shared of when he and his brother would spend time with their bio dad's side of the family and couldn't make it to events with their mom.
"It was insanity. It really did a lot of harm to our relationship with mom," the OP added. "Neither of us wanted or needed our stepsister included to enjoy it. Neither of us wanted to be forced to plan stuff around her. We had no choice."
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When the groom told his mom that he doesn't consider the stepsister immediate family, she lost it.
"I told her I have never once considered my stepsister my sibling or my immediate family and I will no longer plan things around her because her attendance is not essential to me," the OP explained. "My mom started freaking out on the phone and saying it would really hurt her stepdaughter and husband's feelings to hear this and how she wanted us all to be together for something as big as a wedding."
Although the mom offered to pay the difference for her son to change the day of his wedding, he still refused.
"I told her my days of catering to my stepsister's schedule are over," he wrote. "Mom went nuts on the phone. I ended the call and I'm dodging her calls and texts now because she's mad."
Folks in the thread agreed he is not the one at fault.
So, who is the a–hole in this situation? Reddit users agreed the OP was NTA, or not the a–hole.
"NTA. Any decision made about a wedding should be up to the people planning that wedding and about those people," one person pointed out. "You absolutely know that if your stepsister was planning a wedding and you couldn’t attend that your mom would insist you put that other event aside. I’m so sorry this is how your mom continually treated you and your brother. You are important OP. You matter!"
Another Reddit user declared, "Your mom is yet another person who has tried to force a blended family only to have it blow up in her face."
"You're NTA," someone else commented. "Your mom has made her position clear: for 19 years she has tried to curry favor with her stepdaughter by prioritizing her over you and your brother."
But that person wasn't finished, adding, "Now you have made your position clear: you will live your own life without revolving events around the convenience of your stepsister. Good for you."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
