Whether or not a couple wants children is one of the most important conversations they can have. If things seem to be moving in a direction where kids could be in the future, it's critical to know if the pair are on the same page. Falling madly in love with someone and then learning they have no desire for children when you want to be a parent would be devastating. Finding out their plans sooner than later can save a lot of heartache.
A man and his wife agreed early on they did not want to have children. He had a traumatic experience losing his first wife when she was pregnant, and he opted for a vasectomy soon after her death. Suddenly, his wife had a change of heart after her sister gave birth to twins. She wants her husband to get his vasectomy reversed, but he wants a divorce.
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The death of his first wife left him heartbroken.
The original poster explained in Reddit's AITA forum that his wife and unborn baby were hit by a drunk driver and killed just two days after her due date. It's been eight years, but the trauma still haunts him. He decided soon after her death that he would never be a father and had a vasectomy. A few years later, he met his current wife, Melissa, and the pair agreed they would never have kids. They eloped, and everything was fine — until it wasn't.
"Recently, Melissa's sister gave birth to twins. I'm happy for her and, of course, do my best to be a good uncle. However, since then, my wife has been nagging me, saying I'm being selfish and should get my vasectomy reversed so we can do IVF and have babies too. I reminded her that I was clear from the start—I don't want to be a father. Now she's calling me a jerk, saying I made this 'stupid' decision when I was grieving and that I should compromise by having just one child (she wants two, I want none). She says I got my late wife pregnant so it's very selfish of me not giving her a baby. Am I an a–hole for not compromising?" he wrote.
Redditors were quick to defend OP.
This wasn't a sudden thing, he was clear from the start.
"NTA," a Redditor wrote. "You were clear from the beginning. She agreed with you and has changed her mind. I think it's okay for her to ask if you have changed your mind as well, but she knew what you wanted when she married you and she shouldn't expect you to change."
Another person agreed, commenting: "NTA, you have serious trauma, and it's ok to feel the way you do. If your wife can't respect that, then she has made her choice very clear."
Apparently, there was a huge argument.
OP posted an update explaining that he and Melissa had a blowout fight. He told Melissa that if she really wanted a baby, he wasn't the guy for her. He would give her a peaceful divorce and walk away. She didn't like that and said some pretty horrific things to him.
"She rolled her eyes and asked, 'How long are you planning to use this trauma card? Why can't you be a man and f—ing move on?' I told her my mind was made up and that divorce is our only option. She became furious, said she would make my life miserable during the divorce process, called me an 'infertile limp d—,' and said I was pathetic for not getting over 'some dead b—-.' I left the house for a walk," OP wrote.
The update shocked people.
Many told OP to leave Melissa and never look back.
One person told OP to lawyer up writing: "Talk to the divorce lawyer and then please find a good therapist. I suspect that the only reason you wound up with your current wife was because you never fully dealt with your grief. Also to be honest you're going to need someone to help you cope during the divorce from that heartless mess."
"I'd go back to the house, pack a bag and leave, if it's her house or a shared apartment," someone else suggested. "If it's your house, start the process to have ger evicted and proceed with the divorce."
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OP is in no way wrong about this one.
Redditors agreed: Melissa knew what she was getting into when they married. If she wants a child, OP isn't the person for her. She needs to respect that decision and let him move on. He's had enough trauma and certainly doesn't deserve her wrath.
As one person pointed out, OP has been more than kind. "I lost my husband 3 years ago, if I were ever to get to a place where I could marry again & that spouse talked about my late husband the way this woman talked about your late wife & child, I would be in jail," the commenter wrote. "I am so sorry for your losses & so sorry that the woman you married turned out to be this cruel & awful. Never look back."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
