We can't help who we fall in love with or when or where. Even if our hearts seemingly belong to another person, we sometimes yearn for someone else. These burning desires often ruin relationships, but in the case of a mom from New Zealand, her marriage was strengthened by new love.
Leah Hamilton lived in Germany with her husband and children when she fell for another mom at her kids' school. Hamilton penned an essay for Insider, describing sparks flying between herself and the other woman and how physical attraction turned into so much more. Hamilton told the tale of an unconventional relationship that changed her views on love.
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Hamilton and her husband's relationship was unconventional from the start.
The mom of two explained that she and her husband met when they were college students in New Zealand. She said that when they began dating, she was seeing another woman. Hamilton wrote that she has always identified as queer and desired to be in a nonmonogamous relationship. When she met her husband, he was one of the first people who accepted her relationship desires, and she was happy.
"He was a quiet, sensitive guy, and he won my heart with his kindness and thoughtful demeanor," she wrote. "I was so nervous on our first date that I could barely speak."
The couple got married and had children, and life changed.
As with most marriages, life shifted as soon as kids came into the picture. Hamilton said their nonmonogamy took a backseat as the pair focused on parenthood and their nuclear family. That all changed when the family moved to Berlin. Hamilton's oldest child was in school, and she wanted to meet other moms. She was looking for friends, but she unexpectedly found love.
"It was hard to meet new partners, but I began to go out in the evenings with one of the other married mothers I had met at my children's kindergarten. She and I quickly became close friends; both of us were wild, adventure-seeking types, looking for fun," she wrote.
Hamilton's new friend was more than just a pal, and she worried about what her husband might think.
As the moms became closer, it was evident that there was something between them, Hamilton explained. When the women realized the attraction was deeper than just the physical, and they were developing a relationship, they approached their husbands about their love. Both men said, "Why not?" and the four began a two-year adventure.
Things worked beautifully for a while.
According to Hamilton, she and her girlfriend maintained a relationship that their husbands fully supported. Their families melded together and enjoyed each other's company. They celebrated life and shared great emotions.
"For two years, we had a heartfelt connection and new experiences. It was also unpredictable, too intense, and ultimately unbalancing. My girlfriend and I were both very emotional, and we clashed in ways that slowly tore away at us," Hamilton explained.
She said that a breakup was inevitable.
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The breakup was devastating.
When Hamilton and her girlfriend split, it was heartbreaking. But she found great comfort in her husband, who supported her.
"I cried every day for weeks. My husband patiently delivered chocolate-chip cookies and red wine to me as I lay in bed. He listened to my sorrow and hugged me. He took care of our children and the household more than usual," she explained.
The women reconnected months later and began to rebuild their friendship. They remain close and grateful to have one another, but she said her husband is still "the one."
"I always say that my husband is the best person I know, and after 12 years together, I still believe it."
