Here's how the story sometimes goes: two people meet, they fall in love, they have a bunch of sexy times, they have a baby (or two or three or more), and then sleep becomes more valuable than sexy times. But, let's be real, sleep is great but a long-term relationship needs some spicy, sexy fun, too! It can be hard to find the time and energy to keep things fresh when there are kids and jobs and never ending to-do lists, so sometimes it takes some real intention to keep the spicy side of a relationship going.
Thankfully, we found 16 moms who were willing to share the simple (and some not-so-simple) ways that help keep the spark alive for them and make sure that they aren't just living as roommates with their partners! Read on for some hanky-panky inspiration!
Small Connections
"It might sound a little trite, or something, but I think it's hard to connect over the sex stuff if you aren't connecting over the little stuff, too. Like just making time to laugh with each other or to take five minutes to hold hands or snuggle. It makes a difference!" β Lara H., Medford, Oregon
Back to the Office
"Honestly, we were a spice-free zone during the pandemic. Too much togetherness in too small a house, for sure. I recently went back to working in the office and part of the reason was to get some distance to get back on track. Our sex life is better when we aren't with each other 24/7." β Anne G., Lawton, Oklahoma
New Shoes
"Sexy clothes make for sexy times! I like to spice things up with some new 'do me' shoes or some new underwear and bra sets. Bonus points if my husband is the one who picks it out for me. I like knowing that he was thinking about something he wanted to see me in." β Beth S., Findlay, Ohio
Fitness Focus
"We've both been working out a lot (we BOTH put on the honeymoon weight and the baby weight and the newborn weight) and it has helped us both feel more confident and that confidence is helping us both be more sexual. It isn't really the weight loss, I think it's the spending time in our own bodies and remembering how good it feels to move." β Bo D., Saint Joseph, Missouri
Role Playing
"Just because we are monogamous doesn't mean we don't want to sleep with other people. So we do, kinda! I'm a sexy teacher or a naughty nurse or whatever role play scenario sounds fun. It mixes things up and keeps it spicy, even if we are still just two middle age parents!" β name withheld by request
Massage Lessons
"We took a sensual massage course! We each learned how to give really good massages and, yes, they almost always lead to happy endings (for both of us!). I think finding new ways to explore each other's bodies and give pleasure is a good way to keep things fresh and spicy." β Danielle, Lake Charles, Louisiana
Edibles
"Now that weed is legal in our state, we've been experimenting with trying edibles! Just having something to relax and take the edge off helps us get out of the parent zone and into the sexual people zone again. It makes us both less reserved too, which helps, too." β Joanna D., San Diego, California
Keep It Sexty
"Look: It isn't like super original, but sexting does work! Not only is some dirty talk and maybe a picture or two good at turning him on, but it keeps us flirty and thinking about sex more often, I think. You can't keep it spicy if you aren't thinking about it on a regular basis." β Chyna D., Toronto, Ontario
Sexy Pics
"My husband likes to do sexy photo shoots and that keeps things fun and spicy. He sets up the stage and the chooses props or wardrobe or whatever. It gives me a little insight into what he thinks is sexy or having a fantasy about, which makes me feel sexy, too." β Heather D., Grand Rapids, Michigan
Talk It Out
"Communicate, communicate, communicate! You've got to talk about stuff, including whatever is happening or not happening in your sex life. We try to talk openly about what we both want and what turns us on and that helps keep things new. We are a nonjudgment zone for sharing turn-ons or asking for something new." β Kristen D., Ames, Iowa
Travel Time
"We keep passion in our marriage by making sure we give each other space to chase other passions. I think your sex life is a reflection of the rest of your life and your relationship, so for me, I love to travel, so when I'm getting to do that, I'm staying tapped into my sexual self, too, in a weird way." β Lynn K., San Jose, California
Camp Grandma
"I 1,000% percent think that you can't get truly freaky if there are small people in the house. We send the kids to Camp Grandma for the weekend so we can have loud, messy, dirty sex. The kids leave and the toys and candles and sex swing come out!" β Zoey D., Gilbert, Arizona
Sexy Reads
"I don't like visual porn but sometimes it is nice to get a spark of inspiration from someone else's brain. So we read romance novels or erotica to each other, which is sometimes cheesy but sometimes super hot, too. A good romance novel and a bubble bath can get me in the mood to try new things." β Jodie K., High Point, North Carolina
Upgraded
"Sometimes you have to fake sexy to feel sexy, especially if you've been in mom mode all day. For me, I ditched my crappy, dingy, stained underwear and upgraded to some sexy stuff. Putting on something pretty or sexy helps me remember that I'm a sexual person, too. When I feel sexy, my husband gets sexy, too." β Connie P., Roseville, Minnesota
Flirty
"Pre-COVID, our go-to move for putting some spice back back in things was to go to a bar, get a little lit, flirt with strangers, and then go home with each other. Just having that jolt of energy that comes with having a stranger hit on you helps shake off the dust. But this only works if you are not the jealous, drama types." β Lauren H., Kansas City, Missouri
Special Sexy Time
"We have a couple of things that are on the special occasion menu β like things I have to be really in the mood for, but when I'm in the mood, whew! It's hot. Our spicy menu is things like anal, pegging, or some light BDSM stuff. Keeping those as special things keeps them hot." β name withheld by request
