For around a year now, my husband and I have been trying to have a second baby. Though to be honest, trying is putting it generously, since the act of trying, i.e. sex, to me right now is the last thing on my mind.
I don’t know why or how but since the pandemic, my sex drive has taken a major beating. I used to love having sex with my husband, including after our daughter was born. Of course, many moms experience decreased libidos after giving birth, but I on the other hand, couldn’t wait to hit the sheets with my husband. But since the pandemic, my sex drive has taken a beating.
Possibly, it's due to the fact that for nearly a year we were with each other 24/7 and got into a happy and relaxed routine, one that did not include weekly date nights or romantic candle-lit dinners.
I am going to be quite real here and say that right now I can easily go months without having sex.
For one thing, for me, it’s about the quality of the sex, not the quantity. And luckily, my husband and I have amazing, mind-blowing sex, even if it’s only every few months, which right now it is.
But here’s the biggest problem: We want to have a second child. And we have sort of been trying on and off for going on a year. Some months we tried and other months, I just couldn’t get in the mood or I missed taking my ovulation tests. I don’t want making a second child to turn into a chore. Yes, to have a baby you have to plan accordingly. But right now, while I am so borderline desperate to get pregnant (and have cried every time I get my period), mentally and physically, having sex is exhausting.
I don’t want to see having sex with my husband, who I love dearly, as a chore. My husband and I are still madly in love and will do anything for one another. Our relationship right now is in wonderful shape. In fact, we’re the happiest we have been since we first got together. We laugh and have fun from morning till evening. But the sex … pretty much nonexistent.
I know there are some who believe you shouldn’t have to plan sex with your partner.
But let me tell you, when you are both working and have errands to get done and chores around the house and are taking care of a crazy toddler and two dogs, you need to do what you can to have intimate time with your partner. And for me, that includes planning. When I plan the day around knowing my husband and I will be trying, once we get in bed, my worries are erased.
I’m relaxed and happy and the passion is back, along with my sex drive. Maybe since I still remember the amazing and passionate evening our daughter was conceived, it set the bar too high. Our maybe it’s because we have our daughter to take care of and creating the right “mood” can be a bit tough after a hard day of work or parenting. I honestly don’t know.
What I do know is I want to have another baby so badly it hurts, but most days, I don’t want to actually have sex.
I know, it kind of makes accomplishing the first thing a bit tough. I think if I stop focusing on how badly I want to get pregnant and stop seeing the act of sex solely for that purpose, maybe that will help get me back in the mood.
For one thing, I used to love having sex just for the sake of having sex. I think my issue is I have put too much of an emphasis on what having sex means. While I may be in the moment and love having sex, afterwards, all I can think is, “Am I pregnant?” I think that has put too much pressure on me and has created this sort of bubble and it’s hard to get out of. I shouldn’t just be thinking about having a baby. I should be in the moment with my husband and enjoying sex. I hope to get back to those days soon.
