When my now husband and I first got together, we had a very active sex life, much like most couples during that initial dating period. Every time we were together, we had passionate, wonderful sex. That continued through nearly every period of our lives. From when we moved in together, got engaged and got married, our sex life was never a concern. During my pregnancy, we made time for each-other (lots, thank you pregnancy hormones!) and even after our daughter was born, we always wanted to have sex. I was never the mother that didn’t want to make time for sex, even with a toddler.
Then the pandemic happened and took away my sex drive.
I always loved having sex with my husband.
I have always felt that sex can be a wonderful and intimate way to connect with your partner. I never thought I would become a woman, let alone a mother, who didn’t want to have sex and yet, here I am.
It’s weird, because if anyone expects something to change your sex life, it’s after you have kids. But that was never the case for us. We always made time for each other even with a baby. But the pandemic changed something in me and honestly, I have a feeling I’m not alone in this.
At the beginning of the pandemic, my husband and I were still having sex.
But then after around a month of being on lockdown, 24/7 inside the apartment all the time while working and raising our daughter, my sex drive disappeared. I mean, seriously disappeared. The idea of sex wasn’t exciting. It was just nothing, which I can still barely explain. How can something that I used to love and enjoy so much just disappear? Where did my libido go?
I truthfully think my disappearing libido can be attributed to quite a few things.
Well, first off, the obvious.
The threat of a deadly global virus was enough to kill the mood for me. I was constantly nervous and anxious all the time about one of us catching the virus. I was scared for my relatives that were far away. I was scared in general and wasn’t sleeping well. I was suffering from constant headaches. I didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel like myself for much of the pandemic and if I’m being completely, honest, I still don’t. The pandemic changed who I was, as a wife, mother, and person in general. I want to get the old me back, both when it comes to my sex life and otherwise, but I think it will take some time.
Other reasons I lost my sex drive? Well, my husband and I lost ANY sense of intimacy that we used to have post-pandemic.
For one thing, my parents moved in with us during the pandemic to help with our daughter. Now, as wonderful as that was, of course, that can put a damper on your sex life. We used to make time for a weekly date night where we would get dressed up, go to a movie or a show and have dinner. The pandemic put that on hold for over a year. Even when things slowly started opening up, we were still nervous and choose to avoid restaurants and indoor spaces.
Another thing that contributed to my sudden disinterest in sex? And this is the one that hurts the most. Just thinking about it, makes me want to cry all over again. At the beginning of the pandemic, I wasn’t sleeping. I was having bad dreams. I would wake up crying and couldn’t get back to sleep. Then I would turn over and look at my daughter in her bed and feel calmer.
One night, on one of those occasions when I woke up crying, my daughter woke up, too. She crawled into bed and cuddled with me. We cuddled together until we both peacefully feel back to sleep. The first time that happened, I managed to sleep well. Seeing her face snuggled into mine and just holding her made me feel better. So much so, that I got in the habit of letting my daughter sleep in bed with us. Honestly, I could tell it made my husband feel calmer as well.
My sex drive has completely disappeared, I have no idea where it went, and I have no idea when or how I’m going to get it back.
But my husband and I have slowly started on working on getting back to where we once were. We’ve have reinstated our weekly date nights and we’ve started trying to create more intimacy in the house — even just having dinner and watching a movie after our daughter goes to bed.
I don’t expect our sex life to go back to how it once was and that’s fine. What’s important is that my husband and I regain that passion that we once had that made us want to have sex all the time. That’s all that matters to me.
