In theory, a destination wedding sounds like an amazing idea. It combines all the fun of a wedding with the potential for a great vacation in a beautiful location. The only catch — and it's a big one — is a destination wedding is a heck of a lot more expensive for guests, especially when kids are involved.
For one woman who recently posted to Reddit's popular AITA community, the cost of her brother's upcoming destination wedding has led to an all-out family fight about the original poster's finances and whether she was in the wrong to tell her brother that he'd needs to pay for her in order for her to go. As always, that combination of family + money + weddings can equal total drama!
OP isn't broke, but she has her reasons for not wanting to shell out thousands of dollars for the wedding.
In her post, OP explained that she is "a widowed, single mom with two young kids," but that she's "not destitute or even hard up." Thanks to her husband's life insurance, she's able to care for her kids and keep a nest egg in savings.
But the estimated cost of attending her brother's wedding (around $5,500 for her and her kids) "would put a massive dent in our budget," so she RSVPed "no" for the event.
Her brother, who attended OP's own destination wedding, is furious.
According to OP, "My brother called me right away to ask why I wasn't coming. I said I really wanted to come but I just couldn't justify it. He said that I have lots of money in the bank."
OK, rude! As many of the commenters in the forum noted, OP's money is her business!
OP continued saying that, "He is upset that I won't be coming. He kept pushing until I finally admitted that I just didn't think it was the best use of my money. Then I said something I probably should not have. I said if he really wanted me there then he could pay for the trip."
Her brother hung up and now the parents are involved.
OP's parents are now involved and telling her that she shouldn't "hoard" her money and should suck up the expense to see her brother get married.
OP worried that she was being the a–hole in this situation, but the comments to her post were firmly in her favor. As one person noted, "an invite is not a summons to appear. If you have a destination wedding you need to realise people wont come. Also you are not 'hoarding' your money. You are making smart decisions based on the best thing to do for your children. Tell anyone who says that to go back in their box, its your money not theirs."
While a few folks did note that it might be considered rude to ask someone to pay for travel to a wedding, others also remarked on the fact that there is something almost cruel about demanding that someone who is recently widowed have to attend a celebration of love in the first place.
As one reader remarked: "even if she was a millionaire, paying money to be emotionally devastated in a vacation destination is like the least fun way to blow a couple grand. She is going to be alone. At a wedding. In a tropical paradise surrounded by lovers.. I'd probably throw myself into a volcano and he's mad she doesn't want to pay for the experience."
OP is making the right call for her family.
Ultimately, we have to side with OP here! She's now the sole parent and provider for her kids. Having a healthy savings account is vital and she knows best what she can afford or not.
Hopefully, her brother can get over his disappointment and realize that a destination wedding isn't in everyone's budget, even if they have some money in the bank.
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