When it comes to choosing a baby name, once the parents land on an idea, that name becomes more than just something to call the little one. The baby’s future, our hopes and dreams for the child, and the love we feel gets poured into the name. It’s not unusual for people to feel some sort of way when someone doesn’t like their chosen baby name — or when someone steals a name that we’ve had our hearts set on.
For one woman (OP), she and her ex had carefully chosen a name for their little girl. They picked a first and middle name that spoke to them but didn’t have any family history on either side. The names were just music to their ears and meant a lot to them.
Unfortunately, not long after OP’s daughter was born, she died. And even though that was some years ago, OP recently had her heart ripped open all over again when someone in her family took the names she had given to her late daughter. Now she needs advice.
OP took to Reddit to share what happened with her baby’s name, hoping there would be some people who could offer advice.
Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP jumped right in with all the details.
“Three years ago I gave birth to a little girl who only lived for 19 hours,” she wrote. “It was a traumatic experience for me and one I struggle with to this day.”
OP wrote that losing her daughter was not easy on her relationship either. “The pain of her loss led to my ex-boyfriend and I splitting up as we couldn't stand to be together anymore,” she shared.
“Her name is not a family name,” OP added. She "was called Coraline with Iris as her middle name. My Ex Boyfriend and I just each picked a name we liked.”
OP’s younger sister had a baby recently — a little girl.
Although everyone knew she was pregnant, OP shared that her sister “kept the name a secret from everyone until it was legal.”
OP didn’t think much about the name her sister was going to choose. But when she read the baby name announcement online, that changed. Iris Coraline was the name she gave her baby.
“She took both my daughters names and just swapped the order,” OP wrote to Reddit. “If she'd only taken one of the names to try and honour my daughter and made a middle name I wouldn't be upset but this felt deliberate and the fact she hid it from everyone makes it even worse.”
She was mad — so she went to her sister’s home.
“I went to her home to demand to know what she was playing at with this,” OP admitted.
When she spoke with her sister, she “got offended telling me she'd always thought the names were beautiful and she'd swapped the order so I shouldn't be upset.”
She swapped the order … so she “shouldn’t” be upset?!
I’m sure we could all see where this went.
“This led to an argument with shouting on both ends,” OP admitted. “Finally I called her an insensitive b—- before I left and ended up crying a lot when I got home.”
She didn’t seem to be the only one who thought the name choice was wrong.
“Everyone in the family is uncomfortable with this name choice but many think I took it too far to go round to her house and start a fight when she's recovering from giving birth,” OP explained to Redditors.
“Our Mother has told me that there is no changing it now,” OP added.
Her mom wants her to let it go, adding that she should “just consider it a nice way to keep my daughters names alive.”
That’s not what it feels like to OP. “That just feels even worse to me,” she shared.
She wanted to get advice from Reddit, asking if she went 'too far.'
“She expected you to react negatively, which is why she kept it secret, yet instead of asking you or tactfully telling you, she sets you up to find out on social media … after it is permanent,” one person summed up. “This is so insensitive, absurd, a cry for attention, and down right f—ed up it is ridiculous.”
“Absolutely did not take that far at all,” another person wrote. “Her recovering from birth is not an excuse to not explain her heartless actions to you. Wait a little bit if you want to, but you deserve an explanation.”
“The fact that she went out of her way to hide it from you implies she KNOWS she was wrong and this entire ruse was never meant to last,” someone else shared. “Taking one of the names? Fine, you don't own those names. But taking both of them? That's just deliberate and feels cruel.”
“It's been only three years and she used both the first and middle names,” wrote another person. “I don't care how much she liked the names, that's just all sorts of callously cruel.”
It’s hard to see how this wasn’t deliberate.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
