Being married comes with all sorts of benefits, not the least of which is communicating with in-laws. Did you catch the sarcasm with that one? Great. Because when a woman shared on TikTok that she will no longer be the sole point of contact and communicator for her mother-in-law and in-laws in general, she sparked a conversation about how you should or shouldn’t behave when it comes to keeping in-laws in the loop.
In her video, the woman shares that her mother-in-law expressed disappointment about not being kept in the know about her future grandchild. The pregnant woman says that she thought her husband had been giving his mom updates about their baby-to-be. But he told her that he thought she was doing that. That’s a huge no-no for her, especially because she believes she should communicate with her side of the family and her husband should be communicating with his. She was unafraid to set that boundary.
The mom shared her clear boundaries with her in-laws.
@morganstrickell #family #momsoftiktok #inlaws ♬ original sound – Morgan Elisa Strickell
If you’ve ever been the default spouse who is expected to make plans, tell literally everyone about said plans, and make sure things go off without incident, then you understand where the mom is coming from. For her, there has been an expectation that she keep her in-laws in the loop about her and her husband’s baby, who has yet to be born. But she decided to draw boundaries with her husband and with being the one to keep communication open for both sides of the family.
It all started because her mother-in-law expressed disappointment at not being given updates about the pregnancy. According to the TikToker, however, she was under the assumption her husband had been keeping his parents informed. Apparently, he hadn’t, which led the wife to putting her foot down as the primary communicator, which she does not want to be.
“So, we were talking about an upcoming ultrasound last night, and I said, ‘Yeah, don’t forget to send that to your mom so that her feelings aren’t hurt,'” she explains in her video. “And he said, ‘Why don’t you just send it to my mom?’ And I said, ‘No sir, not my responsibility. I communicate with my side of the family, you communicate with your side of the family.'”
She then says that she has a good relationship with her mother-in-law but that it is her husband’s responsibility to get his mother the information he believes she needs rather than have his wife take on that mental load. Some other wives and moms are in agreement with her about that.
“If he thinks it’s not much work for you… it shouldn’t be much work for him,” one person pointed out in the comments.
Another person commented, “Last year my husband told me I was wrong for not including his mom in my Mother’s Day shopping and I kindly reminded him that we in fact do not share the same mom.”
Someone else added, “I love your perspective. Women tend to do a lot of unseen labor, so good for you for maintaining these boundaries.”
Although some commenters called out the mom for being petty about the communication issue, one mom agreed with her as the mom of three adult men herself.
“I’m on your side and I’m actually the mom of three boys who don’t communicate with me, but it is their responsibility to keep me in the loop not their wives,” she wrote.
