There's a reason we hear so much about romance dying for a couple after they have kids. In a lot of situations, it actually does happen. The sheer stress of adding a child (or two) to the mix can put a strain on even the strongest of relationships, and on top of that, it can be really hard to connect to your partner the way you once did.
After all, not only are you sleeping less than ever before while also busier on a daily basis, but also it's not like you have a lot of time to go on dates — and for a lot of couples, hiring a babysitter simply isn't an option. If you live far away from close friends and family you would trust with your kids, it can feel like the next date night you'll have is after your kid graduates high school!
But there are ways to get creative and stay connected with your partner without having to shell out cash for a babysitter or to beg Grandma to watch the little one. As long as you're both willing to spend the time and energy, you can feel closer than ever to your partner during this time.
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Play Hooky
If you have kids who are school-aged or go to day care, you can find some quality one-on-one time with your partner by playing hooky for a day. Yes, saving that PTO is important for the hundreds of times a year that your child will get sick and need you to stay home or go to the doctor, but keeping your relationship healthy is just as important, and spending a whole day alone together every few months or so can be a real game changer.
Have a Living Room Campout
A lot of the quality time you'll have with your partner while your kids are young will have to be after bedtime — and this activity is definitely going to make them jealous! After everyone's tucked in, embrace your inner child and build a fort in the living room. Spend hours talking, watch movies, it's totally up to you … and the atmosphere will be a bit different than just another night at home, which does make a difference.
Order a Date Night Subscription Box
Parents are usually too tired to come up with a novel date night idea, so employing a subscription box to do the job for you will take away that mental load and allow you to just have fun. There are a few out there, such as The Adventure Challenge, which offers all kinds of categories to pick from with a monthly date night box.
Cook Together
Getting dinner on the table can be a really stressful part of the day, but it can be enjoyable. Whip up some mac and cheese for the kids, and after they go to bed, pull out ingredients for a romantic meal that you'll cook together … and enjoy in absolute peace, because your kids will be sound asleep by the time it's ready!
Have a No Phone Evening
We're all a bit attached to our phones — it's OK to admit it. But no matter what you happen to have planned that evening, even if it's just watching a movie, having a phone-free night with your partner can help you connect without screens, giving each other your full attention.
Proximity Is Key
Don't have the energy to do an actual home date night? That's fine — just make sure you're spending quality time with your partner. Whatever you do, do it in the same room. Read a book while he plays video games. Even being close to each other will help you connect when it feels like you never get that time anymore.
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Go Outside
If you're looking for a little privacy from the kids while they're still awake and roaming around your house (probably demanding snacks), set them up with a movie or activity and go outside. Have a drink and take the chance to talk in privacy without being interrupted (at least for a little while).
Take Advantage of Nap Time
On the weekends when everyone is home, it can be so tempting to make the most of nap time by getting everything done around the house you can't do while your child is awake (or you just want to nap yourself). But instead, at least every once in a while, try using this rare time with a quiet house to connect with your partner.
Play Board Games
It may have been a while since you broke out Monopoly, but trust us: Board games can be really fun with just your partner! You can play the more complicated games that the kids wouldn't be into, and getting competitive can help bring that spice back if it's been lacking.
Eat the Dinner You Want To Eat
So many of us cook with our kids' preferences in mind or what we can whip up quickly to make sure that dinner is ready when we need it to be — and it's not always necessarily what we want to eat. After the kids go to bed, try ordering exactly what you and your partner want for dinner for once and enjoy a good meal together (that you didn't cook).
Get Up Early
Connecting one-on-one with your partner is all about using pockets of free time whenever you can find them during the day, and before the kids are up can be one of them. Maybe you want to connect without even getting out of bed – or maybe you can see the appeal of drinking coffee together uninterrupted on the porch, while it's still hot.
Build a Lego Set Together
You might think that Lego is just for kids, but that's where you'd be wrong: There are actually several really complicated sets with thousands of pieces, marketed for adult builders. Grab a set that looks cool and make it your after-bedtime group project. You'll be working together for a common goal, and you might really end up enjoying it.
Do a Puzzle
While we're on the topic of working together for a common goal … if you're not into the Lego idea, try a puzzle instead. There are so many designs out there of varying degrees of challenge, and you might end up finding that this is a really fun, ongoing activity for you to do together.
Grab Lunch
If you both work, try meeting once a week — or even once a month — for a midday lunch break. This can feel like a real date (child-free, in a restaurant, and everything!) without having to call in for backup, because your child will be at school or day care as usual.
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Leave Each Other Letters
Thanks to that lack of sleep we mentioned, along with differing work schedules, you may find you're seeing your partner awake less than usual. And sure, you can text all day long, but it's a bit more special to leave notes for each other to find around the house, isn't it?
