So many things were turned around three years ago at the onset of the pandemic. Big plans were canceled and postponed, including a lot of weddings. Many couples felt at the time that large gatherings were risky and would be potential super-spreader events. And besides, many venues throughout the country were shut down. But a lot of these couples didn't want to give up their big wedding plans entirely, so instead they rescheduled. A lot of that event planning has picked right back up where it left off as things return to normalcy.
A bride, 30, and her fiancé, Kevin, 28, were one of the couples who planned a pandemic wedding but postponed it and are now planning the event again for this coming August. A lot of things have changed in the last three years, however, and the bride is no longer comfortable with all of those changes.
Kevin's best man identified as a man when they planned the wedding but is transgender and now identifies as a woman, Amy. Kevin doesn't see anything wrong with that and wants to proceed as planned. The bride posted in Reddit's AITA forum because Kevin thinks that her wedding requests are unreasonable and that she needs to get over herself.
Kevin and Amy have always been close.
When Kevin was 17, his parents kicked him out of the house. Soon afterward, he met Amy, and they became close. Amy had originally planned to come out to Kevin after the wedding, but when it was postponed, things changed.
Kevin embraced Amy and told her not to worry, and he said she could still stand by him at the wedding, and if she wanted to wear a dress, she could.
"Without consulting me Kevin told her that he was fine with all of that and that if she was at a stage were she'd like to wear a dress when our wedding happened that he would find her a dress that matched the colors he had for his groomsmen. Amy has been medically transitioning for about a year or less now and Kevin told me that we need to find her a dress. I don't have a problem with Amy and I understand how close she is to Kevin," OP wrote.
OP claims that it is all about her family.
The excuse is that OP's family is very traditional and won't understand Amy and her transition. She thinks that her family will not treat her kindly and fairly. Because of this, OP wants Kevin to replace Amy with someone else for the wedding party.
"For this reason I've asked my fiance to choose someone else to be his best man and request that Amy attend as just a guest. This has lead to a large fight between the two of us with Kevin threatening to cancel the wedding if Amy can't be part of the wedding party because he wants someone from his family in it. Im trying to get him to understand the issues this will cause but I'm not sure he gets it," she wrote before asking if she's being an a–hole.
Amy is still Kevin's best friend.
No matter if Amy identifies as male or female, she is still the same person inside. She has the same heart, and her love for Kevin and their friendship hasn't changed. Some Redditors think that OP doesn't see that.
This is Kevin's wedding too, and he should get to have who he wants in the wedding party, some people think.
"This doesn't have anything to do with gender it has to do with her being transgender," someone explained. "It sounds like Amy is a wonderful person who has been there for Kevin when he needed her. There isn't any valid reason to push her out of the wedding."
"YTA. Just get her the style of dress your maids are wearing in plain black. And BTW: Understand that when you explain the issues that your family will have, you are explaining why your fiance won't want to be part of your family," someone else pointed out.
"YTA. You're choosing to cater to your family's bigotry instead of supporting your fiancé to have someone he considers family as a part of his wedding," another person wrote.
No one on Reddit sided with OP.
Nope, not a NTA in the bunch. Redditors think that OP and her family are cruel and narrow-minded and understand why Kevin is reconsidering marrying the bride.
"OP, you are 100% the AH here. Amy is Kevin's best friend and his family. she is important to him," one person wrote. "if you want to undermine that just because your family is super judgy, that's entirely your problem. im with Kevin. i would cancel the wedding if you tried to force me to exclude my best friend."
"YTA and personally I think Kevin should cancel the wedding. You've revealed your colors," another person wrote. "If you're willing to 86 his best friend from the wedding to placate your conservative family… You should probably just find a conservative husband rather than one who cares about his friends. Your husband sounds like a great guy, and you don't deserve him."
Yikes.
"Hopefully 'he just decides' that the wedding and relationship is cancelled," read another comment.
Amy is a human being.
The consensus? OP seems to need clarification about who Amy really is. The person she is on the inside has nothing to do with who she is on the outside. Kevin loves Amy and wants her to be a part of his big day. End of story.
Kevin is the one who needs to do some soul-searching to see if he really wants to be married to OP and be part of her family. And OP needs to remember that kindness wins.
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