During my last visit to a sex shop, I purchased a $200 vibrator. Before I bought the thing, I told myself, “Girl, you have no business!”
Christmas was right around the corner, and I was scrambling to find the funds to pull off a banner holiday for my 5-year-old and loved ones in this climate. But my “me time" is extremely important, and I was tired of having to position myself close enough to an outlet to use my massive back massager to masturbate. It was time to step my game up. I don’t regret my purchase.
I’m a big masturbation advocate.
The act helps me relieve stress, feel relaxed, identify what I want and need during intercourse, and makes me feel sexy. For me, it's a solid form of self-care. “Setting aside time to give yourself pleasure is a gift that lasts and reminds you of the importance of being in the moment,” says Randi Levinson, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist and certified clinical sexologist.
Of course, we don’t need a holiday to pleasure ourselves sexually ...
… but with Valentine’s Day around the corner – and with the option to step out for a sweet date night or engage in an evening of debauchery with your girlfriends mainly out the window — it’s time to get creative when thinking of ways to celebrate this holiday at home. So, why not spend a little time taking care of yourself? (And maybe, if your significant other is lucky, you’ll let them join in, too.)
For many, though, masturbation is easier said than done.
"Unfortunately, women are taught to feel shame in giving themselves pleasure,” says Randi. “It’s important to undo this messaging.” To de-shame our body, she suggests standing in front of the mirror every day for a month and finding three things we like about ourselves. “It can be the tiniest wrinkle in your elbow to a freckle on your knee,” she adds. “It starts here when you can fall in love with the body you have and know that your body can bring you immense pleasure.”
And when it comes to pleasuring yourself, the perks are plenty. Read on as Randi breaks down some of the benefits of getting off:
It's a mood enhancer.
“Pleasure and orgasms release endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin, which put you in a better mood and make you like yourself and your body more!” says Randi. “Releasing these endorphins make you feel like you have a natural high.”
Learn what you like and what you don't.
“When you’re alone, you have less inhibitions and judgments around trying new things and seeing what feels good,” explains Randi. “Masturbation can help you learn what your body likes and dislikes by trying new ways to breathe, move, touch, and moan without the fear of being watched or judged.”
You'll feel better.
“Masturbation is a natural aches and pains reliever. And guess what?! Pleasure and orgasm relieve migraine pain and tension,” Randi says. “Many women have hormonal migraines during their cycle. Masturbation is a great way to relieve menstrual symptoms. When the uterus contracts, it can help the blood release faster and ease stress and cramping.”
Preserve that desire.
“Think about sexual desire as a ‘use it or lose it’ muscle, just like the brain,” Randi suggests. “We do crossword puzzles and mind games to strengthen the muscle of the brain. Think about sexual desire in the same way: The more we masturbate and feel sexual pleasure, the more we will desire pleasure. The less we use it, the less sexual desire there will be.”
Enjoy sex more.
“As women, many of us are taught to perform sex, rather than have and enjoy sex. We are taught to be aware of what our body looks like to others,” Randi explains. “When we practice letting go of performing, we can learn how to stay in the moment of what feels good, rather than what we look like.”
There are many tools to help unlock these benefits, like sex toys! Check out a few fantastic options below:
(Psst: If you purchase an item on this list, CafeMom may receive a small cut. Each item and price is up to date at the time of publication; however, an item may be sold out or the price may be different at a later date.)
Satisfyer Pro 2
$30
from
The Satisfyer Pro 2 is a non-contact, air-pulse clitoris stimulator that is waterproof, quiet, and includes 11 intensities.
Iroha Zen Squishy Vibrator
Considered a beginner vibrator, the Zen is an easy-to-hold, soft-touch toy that is covered in silicone pleats that twist around with different vibration modes.
Le Wand Petite Rechargeable Massager
A versatile vibrator, the Le Wand Petite Massager, which won a Women's Health FEMTECH Award, is shower-friendly, has 10 vibration speeds, and six vibration patterns.
Lelo Mona 2
The LELO's Mona 2 massager is waterproof, has six pleasure settings, and is good for both external and internal pleasure.
