Relationships are hard, and people change. Even though we may want things to remain the same forever, it typically doesn’t work that way. Sometimes, people have deep awakenings, and it leaves their partners unsure of what the future holds. A woman on Reddit’s relationship forum experienced this with her husband, who opened up about a desire to transition to a woman. The original poster is still in love, but now her spouse no longer wants children, and she feels betrayed. It’s a lot to take in.
In the since-deleted Reddit post, OP explained she and her husband had been together for 12 years. Everything in their marriage was happy, and they intended to have children, but something changed. He came out to her as a transgender female, which OP had no issue with. Things got sticky when her partner refused to freeze their sperm, which mean now there is no chance of having a child together.
OP explained that her spouse now wants to “explore life” and begin hormone replacement therapy immediately. She realized they may not end up growing old together.
“I have to make a decision. A potential child I may not even get to have, or the love of my life,” she wrote. OP feels hurt and is in an impossibly difficult situation, so she took to Reddit for help.
The community had big feelings about the situation and understood why OP felt so upset.
“Fundamentally the terms of the relationship have changed. That has nothing to do with gender. She has decided she doesn’t want biological children, something that previously you both agreed you wanted, and you married with the understanding you were on the same page,” one person wrote. “Relationship terms can change, but if personally if I’d built my relationship on one understanding and had that unilaterally renegotiated for me, it might be a relationship ended.”
Others thought OP needed to make a clean break.
“This relationship has to end. I’m sorry to say. I’m childfree by choice and I would not stay in a relationship with someone who wants children. Absolutely unfair to them and quite selfish on my end,” someone else commented. “You have done more than enough to support your partner through their transition. Your friendship doesn’t have to end, but for right now, you need some distance and time to move forward. I cannot imagine how heartbreaking it is to come to the realisation you have after 12 years that they aren’t the person you originally married. Sending hugs!”
Another Redditor put it bluntly, and it makes a lot of sense: “I would say this person isn’t the love of your life. Having children isn’t something you should compromise on. If this is something you’ve truly always wanted, don’t give it up for someone else,” the person suggested. “What you want from your futures no longer aligns and it’s okay to admit that and move forward so you can follow the path you want for your life.”
