Staying friends with your ex isn’t for everyone — for a reason. You might end up like one woman who is feeling conflicted after her ex-boyfriend suggested they have a baby together. The problem is that they really, really don’t work as a couple, but she is getting older and she’s wondering if this might be her last chance to have a child.
The woman and her ex were together for a year.
By now, they have been apart for a year.
“We have met five to six times after breaking up and kept contact almost every day,” the Original Poster (OP) wrote in a post on Netmums.
They both want kids, the OP is almost 40, her ex is in his 40s — what’s the problem?
“We do love each other,” she explained, “but we also do understand we cannot be together, at least not at the moment.”
A few days ago, the pair met up and her ex “told me that he wants to have a kid with me.”
At first, she considered his offer, but then she stopped because she wondered if “I am just hurting myself.”
“Maybe the main reason I am considering it is because he broke my heart,” she added.
But then they met up again and she started to consider his offer.
Again, her ex told the OP that he really wants to have a baby with her “and he was thinking about it for a year now.”
He knows the OP will be a great mother and “he will always be there for his kid.”
“I know he will always be there for his kid and being 40 and still single … am I crazy that I am thinking about it?” she wondered.
Some people worried that the OP wasn’t saying yes for the right reasons.
"Do you think it’s a way of him coming back into your life and saving face that he made a mistake" one commenter wondered.
"If you both wanted to have a child and also knew you would be bringing up the child as friends and co-parents but living separately and with separate lives, sure, that isn't crazy — I know someone with this situation and everyone is happy," someone else commented. "But the thing is, you said your heart is broken by him and things sound a bit off and on. Are you sure you would not be hoping for more from him? Are you prepared to be a single mother?"
A third person put it this way:
"Not crazy but you will have to be incredibly honest with yourselves and each other. Having children is an amazing experience but it is also one of the most stressful things you can do. So you have to ask yourself if he is someone who has supported you and made life easier or has he brought problems and drama?"
A few people flat-out told her no.
"Personally, if you still have any feelings towards this relationship I wouldn't do it," one commenter advised. "You might find out you have all the same feelings flooding back and you end up heart broken again — but this time with a child as well."
"I’m sorry but if you're thinking about it, I think you’re crazy," someone else agreed. "There’s a reason he’s [your] ex. Think about that. If he’s not there for you (being your ex) you think he’s going to be there for your baby? I doubt it very much. If you don’t have a relationship stop seeing him and move on. I think it’s wishful thinking on your part. Sorry to be so blunt but please … back off and find some happiness elsewhere."
And a third person had a very jaded view of what was going on:
"You split up for a reason … you can't be together for a reason … but he's keeping in touch, keeping you on the boil, making sure you don't go anywhere else … best case scenario is because he's thinking 'if I can't find anyone else, she'll do, I just need to keep her happy and hanging on a string for a bit …'
"He's failed to find anyone else, he's thinking he wants a bit of sex, so he thinks, 'well, she was always going on about having a baby, I can use that to get her into bed,' the person continued. "Worst case is that he's controlling and abusive and is carrying on with that even though you're not together … and he's thinking 'If I get her pregnant I can use the baby to control her even more'… I've seen both scenarios happen more often than you might think."
Having a baby with someone is hard even if you are in love, so the OP needs to be very clear about how she feels about her ex before making such a big decision.
