San Diego mom and influencer Bri Dietz posted a photo on Instagram May 23 that got people talking. In it, she sits on a step inside her home, embracing her husband, and even planting a kiss on his cheek. Meanwhile, he's holding up one of those letter boards Instagram influencers are so fond of, which reads: "Helping with housework so you can get lucky is called choreplay."
"Nothing hotter," Dietz added in the caption. "Any other 'acts of service' love languagers out there? Mine 100%!"
The post, which has since garnered over 10,000 likes and hundreds of comments, immediately sparked conversation in the comments section.
Some took issue with the not-so-subtle imbalance of power this kind of "arrangement" can sometimes create. (Ya know, kinda like the one we had about 50 years ago.)
"Wtf," wrote one user, “'helping' with housework?! Stop teaching women that if men do housework it’s HELPING, and they should get rewarded. They aren’t children. It’s 50% their responsibility. Is this from the 50s?!"
“'Choreplay'?" wrote another. "No. It’s his house too. 'Equals' means you both pull your weight because you are equal. Not because of 'choreplay'. True equality is what’s sexy."
“'Helping with housework' infantilizes men and implies that the home is the woman’s job," another user chimed in. "Nothing sexy about that."
Not everyone was PO'd, though. In fact, many people LOL'd right along with Dietz -- and admitted their love language was pretty much the same.
One of those people was the writer and comedian who actually inspired the quote in the first place: Sara Buckley of Not the Worst Mom.
Yep — turns out, the quote was actually inspired by a meme of Buckley's, in which she more or less coined the term "choreplay."
"Hell yes," Buckley wrote in the comments. "Get them floors mopped and the panties dropped."
"Hahahahaha omg YES," wrote another user. "My husband said to me yesterday 'is there anything else I can do?' after checking a bunch of things off of my list. Totally choreplay."
But over on Twitter, a separate debate was sparked when @natmypresident sounded off about it.
"Influencers must be stopped," she tweeted. "You should 'help' with housework because you LIVE IN THE HOUSE TOO????"
"NOTHING HOTTER THAN FULFILLING YOUR BASIC RESPONSIBILITIES AS A HUMAN," tweeted another person in response.
"That’s why it’s called house work, not wife work," another said.
And at least one person threw out this retort: "Maybe he can babysit his kids too."
Honestly, those are fair statements. Using the phrase "helping" when it comes to taking care of the home you yourself live in is somewhat problematic.
Some might also say this brief little quote doesn't even offer a snapshot into that couple's marriage. Although the wording may be a bit off, it doesn't mean Dietz's husband won't pick up a broom or wash a dish unless he's definitely getting some at the end of it.
In other words: It is possible that all is fair in love and "choreplay." And that maybe, just maybe, it makes things such as doing the laundry or hosing down the back deck a little more exciting — for the both of you.
The bottom line? Every marriage is different, and what works for some may not work for all. So you do you however you want to — even if it means trading a week's worth of litter box changes with a couple of rolls in the sack. (It's a free country!)
