Expecting a baby with someone you're no longer in a relationship with can definitely be tricky. But one woman on Reddit says she had no idea that her biggest challenge would be dealing with her ex's parents. In an anonymous post shared last week, the mom-to-be said that the two future grandparents are pressuring her to pick a certain baby name — no matter how much she tells them that she wants to name the baby herself.
The woman is about seven months pregnant, and although her ex doesn't want to be involved in her pregnancy, his parents do -- in a BIG way.
In her Reddit post, the mom-to-be explained that despite the distance and her ex not wanting to be involved in the baby's life, she's worked out a plan for his parents to be a part of her son's life. But recently, the grandparents asked her what she was considering for the baby's names, and things got a little … well, awkward.
"I was thinking of making Aiden the first name and Matthew the middle name," she told them.
But her ex's parents had their own suggestions. Instead, they were hoping she would name the baby Charles or David.
"I said I wasn't a fan of either as a first name, but I was open to Aiden Charles or Aiden David," she wrote. "They said it had to be first and middle name. So the names they were actually suggesting were 'Charles David' or 'David Charles.' They said the order was up to me."
Uhh … say what??
The mom-to-be (understandably) felt like she was being steamrolled about the decision.
And she wasn't about to let it happen.
"I am the mother of this baby, so it's my call," she claimed to have told them. "I am trying to be flexible, and I was willing to hear suggestions, but I'm not going with a completely different set of names. I'll consider using one of your suggestions as a middle name but at the end of the day I get final say, and I like what I picked out."
In an update, she clarified that her ex's name is Charlie, and his father (the baby's grandfather) is named David — hence where his parents got their baby name suggestions. But that still doesn't make their pushiness right.
On Reddit, the verdict was pretty unanimous: This mom should NOT give up the right to name her own baby.
"You are not being unreasonable," one person assured her. "You are the one who will be calling YOUR child their name the most. The 18 years of visits was on the assumption that they would be reasonable."
"Just because their son does not want to be involved doesn’t mean they get to take his place and make parenting decisions," another person added. "They are the grandparents, they get absolutely no say in your sons name. You’ve been extremely gracious and they are taking advantage of that. Name your son whatever you want and ignore them."
And as for the whole Charles David/David Charles thing? She shouldn't be pressured into using those names just because they were "family" names on their side, another person argued. Especially when the child's father is choosing not to be a part of their life.
"They got the chance to name a kid," the person wrote. "That kid is choosing not to be a parent and you are being incredibly nice to let them have a role in the kids life when their son won't. Name your son Aiden Matthew. If they complain, oh well. You are mom, you are the only one who gets to decide in this case. On top of that, names are a big deal. Give in now and they will push boundaries as much possible."
In a different post, the mom later shared that she's decided to stick to the names she's liked all along and not budge.
"The last time I saw them I said I'd consider their suggestions, but was leaning towards my choice, Aiden Matthew," she wrote. "Then today when they came over names came up again so I said something like, 'I'm pretty set on the names I picked, if I'm honest, I get the whole family name thing but Matthew is a family name for my family and I like Aiden.'"
But that's when things turned nasty, and the ex's parents told the mom she was being "unreasonable."
They argued that because the baby would be their only grandchild, it was only right that the boy have the name they want "and said grandchild already won't have their surname," she added.
"They also say that they will not have a large role in the child's life due to their son's actions," she continued, "and this will make their role seem 'less like an afterthought' (their words)."
But the mom stood her ground.
"They seem really upset and when I talked to a friend about it, assuming she'd be on my side, she said 'IDK, the baby will be with you and see your parents all the time, it wouldn't kill you to throw them a bone."'
And as if that didn't sting enough, the friend then went on to say, "You agreed to about 18 years of visits, might be better to start it off on a good note."
Now, the mom-to-be is more confused than ever.
"I thought that that was the best response in that situation, as I'm cautious about setting a precedent going forward," she explained.
"I'm worried that if they get their way in this, then they will try and overrule me with other big decisions in future," she wrote. "I felt I was being reasonable, but now I'm beginning to doubt myself."
Hopefully, she'll refer back to the Reddit comments before it comes time to name that baby, and remember: This choice is hers and hers alone.
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