It’s nearly 2 a.m. I’ve lost count of how many cookies I’ve consumed while binge-watching Younger. My eyes are so heavy, I’m fighting to keep them open. But there is silence. My husband, 5-year-old daughter and 8-month-old son are sleeping. Now, it is my time just for me. No dishes to be cleaned. No diapers to be changed. No meals to cook. No baby to feed. No arts and crafts to be done. I’m free for the day. I’ve accomplished what needs to be done as a wife and mother. Now, in the dark of night, I take a moment to breathe.
Moms aren’t good about taking time for ourselves or admitting that we actually need said time, but the hard truth is, being a mom is exhausting. So why at the end of the day when I should finally be taking to time to sleep don’t I, preferring to spend my time eating, writing, or watching TV?
There is something to be said for time just for me. To myself. Me and me alone. Time to do whatever I want. Time to bake brownies. Time to organize the shoe closet. Time to watch a movie. Time to write. Or time to do absolutely nothing.
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Yes, I’m so tired that I certainly see the advantage of going to bed, but I feel time in bed could be better spent – at least for me.
Somehow as a mother, I’ve gotten used to be being tired yet still being able to manage to get through the day, especially with the help of coffee. So why do we moms do this – fight sleep while catching up on our favorite shows late into the night or shopping online?
Because this is a moment we have in control.
If you think about it, sleep is kind of wasted time. What do you accomplish besides, of course, resting? What control do you have when you’re asleep?
Once my children are down for the night, that is me time. Time by myself that I so desperately need. I’m used to taking care of my children all day while also working. I manage to get everything done that needs to be done – even while nursing my infant son.
I find a way to get my daughter involved in household duties.
This way I manage to accomplish tasks during the day, and as an added benefit, she is learning and helping me. She helps me clean the dishes, puts the dirty clothing in the hamper, helps me organize the groceries, etc. And when I need to find time to catch up on work e-mails or write, that is Lucia’s independent play time – when I set her up with a puzzle or markers. That way she learns to play on her own.
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All day I get things done with my children by my side.
I have found a way to manage my time through the day so my children and I spend time together, watching movies, doing puzzles, playing outside, walking the dogs, while also accomplishing chores and work.
But the one thing I can’t do with my daughter and baby?
As a mom, I’m always 100% on. Ready to pounce. Ready to fight. Ready to save the day. I am always on. I am always working. I am completely alert to make sure my children are safe, healthy and entertained. When my children are sleeping, I choose to do the one thing I can’t do with them – relax with myself.
I know it’s tough to just turn off for a couple of hours, especially when you know there are a million things that need to be done.
But my sanity also needs to take priority. Being calm and rested will make me a better mother to my children. And having those few hours to myself late at night is exactly what the doctor ordered.