Parenting can cause a lot of marital strain. If you’re not on the same page about how to raise your kids, problems are going to arise. Discussing parenting ideologies is important, as well as checking in about things like discipline.
One man on Reddit realized that he and his wife had some disagreements about discipline. His wife believes in gentle parenting, and while he generally goes along with it, things came to a head when his preschooler threw one tantrum too many. But his wife then surprised him by making him the bad guy instead of having his back.
The dad spends a lot of time playing with his son.
The man took his concerns to Reddit’s AITA forum, hoping that people would give him their opinions. He explained that his wife is a “big believer in no punishment, natural consequences.” Their son, who is 4, almost 5, has recently stopped napping, which has made him into a bit of an “a–hole,” according to the dad.
His son “gets mad over nothing, throws stuff at us, screams over anything,” the dad wrote. And as the parent who does a lot of hands-on playing with the little boy, he is a “bit more burnt out with his constant anger.”
His son said something that hurt the dad’s feelings.
While his son was “kicking up a massive fuss over bed time,” the dad was reaching a limit. Eventually, the boy said, “Daddy, I don’t love you anymore, I only love mommy.” Despite knowing that his son is just a little boy, the comment still stung.
“I said, ‘okay, then I don’t want to be here,'” the dad noted. He believed that the boy deserved to face a consequence for his words. The dad said his son “doesn’t face consequences for anything at this point.” He blamed his wife’s belief in gentle parenting.
The dad continued his distance from his son.
“We usually play a bit before school in the morning, but this morning i told him i don’t want to play with him because he was mean to me and my wife flipped out. I think he’s at the age where he should start feeling some consequences for his action, my wife keeps saying he’ll grow to learn that certain things are bad,” the dad wrote.
He disagreed, believing that his son needs guidance. As a result, his wife told him that he needed to let go of the hurt.
People agreed that gentle parenting is more than no consequences.
“You two need a big big talk about this,” one person wrote. “Gentle parenting is NOT just let the kid get away with anything.”
“There are still consequences in gentle parenting, just not punitive ones,” another person chimed in.
Someone else wrote: “Fix this behavior now, before it becomes his normal. It looks like a small problem now when they are small and weak. Until they get bigger and those outburst have real consequences.”
“He’s 4, sure, but he’s also testing boundaries,” another commented. “Kids need to learn that actions have consequences, throwing toys = no playtime with dad, for example. Your wife may be a fan of natural consequences, but you’re trying to teach him that being an emotional little gremlin has its limits. It’s okay to want a little peace and respect after being screamed at, so don’t worry.”
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