Learning how to care for aging parents isn’t always something that comes naturally. But there are some steps you can take now to prepare for a future that might include simultaneously caring for aging parents and growing children.
The sandwich years — when you are stuck in the middle of kids and parents — can be a delicate balancing act. Some may even say this time requires the patience of a saint, the multitasking skills of a superhero, and the time-bending abilities of Doctor Strange.
Navigating being a sandwich mom is not easy. Between managing doctors’ appointments, coordinating care, and making sure the kids get to soccer practice on time, it’s a wonder we don’t all just collapse into a puddle on the kitchen floor.
But what if I told you there’s a way to make those sandwich years a little less, well … squeezy? With a little proactive planning, you can future-proof your caregiving journey and set yourself up for a smoother road ahead.
Ready to take a peek into the crystal ball and get a head start on your sandwich years?
Here are 15 tips to help you prepare for how to care for aging parents.
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Tip #1: Have the tough conversations now.
Don’t wait for a crisis to start talking to your parents about their long-term care wishes. Even if there are no immediate issues for long-term care, it can be helpful to have these conversations early on.
Broach the subject gently, and make sure you understand their preferred living situation, health care directives, and financial plans. It may also be helpful for your parents to recognize and understand that while you will do your best to respect their wishes, situations may change too.
Tip #2: Get your legal ducks in a row.
Work with an estate planning attorney to ensure your parents’ affairs are in order — things like wills, powers of attorney, and advance directives.
This will make things infinitely easier down the line and ensure that there are no doubts about their wishes.
Tip #3: Encourage independence in your kids.
Start teaching your little ones important life skills, like cooking, cleaning, and money management at a young age. Not only does it help them develop a sense of independence and confidence, but the more self-sufficient they are, the less you will have to juggle when the sandwich years hit.
Feeling guilty about asking your kids to do more? Don’t worry — research supports the fact that kids who take on more chores and responsibilities at home grow up with more autonomy and may have better executive functioning.
Tip #4: Explore respite care options.
Even if it’s a ways off, it may provide some peace of mind to research adult day programs, in-home care services, and other resources that can provide temporary relief for family caregivers.
And remember, there is no shame in outsourcing care. The goal is to keep everyone happy and healthy. Best of all, getting regular breaks will be a lifesaver.
Tip #5: Build your support network.
Identify family members, friends, and community organizations who can step in to help with caregiving tasks.
There are resources that can be invaluable, especially in the sandwich years. The more hands on deck, the better.
Tip #6: Declutter and downsize.
Take some time now to declutter and purge your home of unnecessary belongings. Not only will this reduce the mental and physical load later, but it can also free up space for a parent to move in if needed.
If your parents are receptive to the idea, talk to them about helping them go through their personal belongings, too. Taking steps now can help them identify possessions that are important to them and outline their wishes ahead of time.
Framing it as a gift to you and any siblings you have may help them be more open to the idea. Depending on your family’s finances, there are also professional services that you can use to help you in the sorting and organizing processes.
Tip #7: Evaluate your finances.
Review your budget, savings, and insurance coverage to ensure you’re prepared for any additional expenses that may arise. It might also help to have a conversation with your parents about what they anticipate contributing to their future care.
Additionally, speak now to siblings or other family members who can play a role so you’re all on the same page.
And don’t forget to factor in the cost of potential home modifications or in-home care. No one wants to obsess about money, but when you’re in the sandwich situation, you have to keep a close eye on finances.
Tip #8: Prioritize your own health.
Make self-care a non-negotiable. When you work this hard taking care of everyone else, you have to make yourself a priority. Schedule regular health checkups, stay active, and find healthy ways to manage stress. You’ll need to be at your best to tackle the demands of the sandwich years.
If you’re not already plugged in, now might be a good time to get set up with a reliable telehealth service that you can use in a pinch, too.
Check with your insurance company if they partner with a specific service or check out platforms like Amazon OneMedical that offer memberships or pay-per-visit for virtual care. You can find care for common conditions and even mental health care online.
Tip #9: Get organized, get digital.
Invest in tools and systems to keep track of schedules, medical records, and other important information. Cloud-based platforms can make it easier to coordinate care across multiple caregivers. No one human could remember all those schedules and records.
This could also be an opportune time to get your own records and affairs in order, too. Everything from passwords to health records to schedules can be easy to access for all.
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Tip #10: Explore assistive tech.
From smart home devices to medication management apps to apps that offer in-home companionship for aging parents, there’s a wealth of technology available that can support your aging parents and ease your caregiving burden. These will make your life much simpler and easier to manage.
Tip #11: Don't be afraid to say no.
Set boundaries and learn to delegate tasks. Be clear and direct — there’s no time for hints. Your kids, your parents, your spouse, and even well-meaning friends and family members may try to pile more on your plate.
Don’t be afraid to politely decline. “No” is not a dirty word, so don’t be afraid to use it often.
Tip #12: Build in flexibility.
When it comes to your schedule, leave some wiggle room. Unexpected doctors’ appointments, school emergencies, and other curveballs are inevitable, so make sure you have the flexibility to handle them.
There’s never enough time in the day, especially when you are expanding your caregiving, so just give yourself some grace.
Tip #13: Nurture your relationships.
Remember, you are more than just a caregiver; you are a spouse, lover, and friend. Make time for your significant other, your friends, and other important people in your life.
Maintaining those connections will be crucial for your mental health during the sandwich years. It may also be a strategy to simply ask others to help you in those relationships — after all, everything shouldn’t automatically fall on you.
Talk to your friends and partner and ask them if they can take the lead in organizing events or sending out invites. Everyone is busy, but if you’re struggling in a season of transition right now, it can help you get through.
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Tip #14: Consider your living situation.
Think ahead about whether aging parents might need to move in, or if you and your family may need to relocate to be closer to them. How old will the kids be when that happens? Start exploring these options now.
You don’t have to have all the answers now, but brainstorming some future solutions can help you prepare. And again, it doesn’t have to all fall on you, so bring in other family members, too.
Tip #15: Embrace the roller coaster.
Being a sandwich mom will have its fair share of highs and lows, triumphs, and challenges.
Be kind to yourself, celebrate the small wins, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it.
In the end, this is what needs to be done.
There you have it, mamas — 15 proactive steps you can take to future-proof your sandwich years and prepare for how to care for aging parents.
Remember, the more you can do now to prepare, the easier those caregiving responsibilities will be down the line.
So what are you waiting for? It’s time to get to work building the support systems that will carry you through the sandwich years with grace and resilience.
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