I Refuse To Tell My Family Which of My Baby Girls Was Adopted & They Are Livid

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It's not something that adoptive families are always comfortable with acknowledging, but it unfortunately happens sometimes: Extended family members treat adopted children differently than biological kids. As much as parents try to ensure that all of their children are treated equally, sometimes grandparents, aunts, uncles, or other family members show a preference for the kids who are blood-related to them.

One mom on Reddit recently vented about her family's reaction to her refusing to reveal which of her baby girls is "hers" and which was adopted — and she's not backing down from her decision.

The mom explained how she adopted her friend's newborn baby.

Aita for REFUSING to tell my family which of my baby girls I adopted?
by inAITAH

The original Reddit poster introduced herself as a 20-year-old who gave birth to a baby girl two months ago and adopted a second baby girl born three days beforehand. For the sake of keeping the babies straight in her post, she referred to the daughter she carried as Rose and the daughter she adopted as Lily. She got pregnant with Rose about the same time her best friend, Anna, got pregnant with Lily.

"While I was ecstatic about being pregnant, Anna was not," the OP explained. "We decided that if after Lily's birth, Anna still didn't feel like she could raise her I would adopt Lily and raise the girls as twins."

That's exactly what the OP did, although they still needed to agree on when/how to tell Lily about the adoption when she is older.

The OP and Anna were the only ones in the delivery room when each gave birth.

"I chose not to have any of my family in the room during the birth because I wasn't comfortable with them seeing me like that, and Anna was fighting with her family at the time," the OP recounted. "So Anna and I were the only ones in the room for each other during the births."

Shortly after the babies were born, the OP arranged a date for her family to meet her daughters.

Immediately, her family wanted to know which baby was adopted.

"As soon as my grandmother met my babies she asked me which one was my daughter, and I replied that they both were," the OP explained. "She rolled her eyes and said that I knew what she meant."

She continued, "I told her that, no I don't because they are both my daughters. She got mad about that and asked me which one was 'my real daughter' and my parents backed her up saying that I should tell them which daughter I had adopted."

Now, her family refuses to help with the babies until she tells them which one was adopted.

Ultimately, the OP's family insisted that she tell them which daughter is which, and the OP insisted that her grandmother apologize.

"My parents told me that I am being dramatic, pointlessly stubborn, ridiculous, and that they just wanted to know when dealing with the girls which one was their granddaughter," she shared. "I kicked all of them out and said that unless they apologize and stop asking which daughter is adopted, they would not get to see either of them."

The OP received a slew of text messages about her daughters afterward, but she doubled down and warned them if they didn't stop badgering her about which baby was her biological child, she would block them.

Although most of her family members stopped bothering her, the OP did end up blocking her brother.

She added, "I also had to block my mom, who texted me to tell me that no one was going to help me take care of the children until I told them the truth about which is my real daughter."

In the comments, Reddit users agreed that the OP was not being a jerk.

"Sounds like they will probably treat your daughters differently, I can't see why it would be so important to know," one Redditor commented.

"As for you depriving them of your family's love, you're protecting both of your daughters. Your family doesn't get to decide when or what info you share," the person continued. "There is a big chance that when you do tell them, they'll favor 1 daughter. Be prepared for that, don't let it affect your daughters views of each other."

Another Reddit user pointed out, "They pretty much admitted they'd treat the children differently because of their biology. I'd refuse to tell them which one is adopted too."

The commenter continued, "If I were dealing with children and I knew one was adopted, but not which one, I'd treat both like they're bio related. What's so hard about that? Just treat kids right man, they're just little babies who didn't have any control over their conception. They still call the same person mom, so what's the difference?"