My Mother-in-Law Refuses To Stop Smoking Around Our Preemie Baby

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We all know that smoking isn’t good for you. There are entire ad campaigns dedicated to the dangers and risks of smoking. Still, we’re all adults with free will, and that nicotine addiction can be a hard one to kick. We can have empathy for those who smoke and still enforce our own boundaries when it comes to our exposure to cigarette smoke.

The stakes are even higher when there are children and babies involved and even higher still with babies born prematurely. Sadly, one grandmother doesn’t seem to understand this, and it's causing a rift in her family.

A Reddit user told their MIL she can't smoke or wear smoked-in clothes around their preemie.

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A Reddit user asked the online community if they were being an a–hole for imposing certain rules for their smoking mother-in-law and their preemie.

“We have told my MIL she cannot smoke around/wear her smoked in clothes around our preemie baby,” the original poster wrote. “She says that we don’t welcome her in our house even though we’ve assured her if she changes her clothing and washes her hands she is welcome to hold the baby.”

The OP was willing to compromise.

The MIL doesn't seem to understand the rules. The MIL is indeed welcome in their home even if she doesn’t change her clothes or wash her hands. But if she doesn’t do those things, the OP and their spouse have agreed that they don’t want her to hold their premature baby. While that might sound like a good compromise, the MIL doesn't accept it.

Now the MIL is refusing to come around.

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Recently, the couple invited the MIL to attend their 2-year-old’s birthday party. She said she would not come if she was unwelcome. The OP told their MIL she is “always welcome,” but she has to change her clothes and wash her hands to hold the baby. Now, the MIL refuses to attend.

Reddit users agree the OP is NTA in this situation.

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It should come as no surprise that the Reddit community unanimously decided that the OP was not the a–hole in this situation.

“If smoking is more important to her than your child she has made her choice,” one user wrote.

“SHE is welcome, her smoking isn't,” another user replied. "She can't grasp that idea."

Another suggested that the OP take their MIL’s response as a blessing, noting: “Google Third Hand Smoke and you'll have ample reasons to explain to MIL/others why you don't want an ashtray holding your baby. Looks like your problem is solved since she is refusing to come over.”

Here's the point: Preemie or not, we don't want any kind of nicotine or smoke exposure around our babies and we give this person a lot of credit for handling this situation so patiently. We can't say we'd be able to do the same.