Co-parenting and blending your family is a delicate experience. It’s easy for our adult problems to get in the way of what’s important, which is the kids. But some parents are really good about making sure their children feel seen and heard. However, it doesn’t always go over well with everyone involved. A dad on social media is asking for advice because of his ex-wife’s new husband.
Despite not having a close relationship with the kids, the new man keeps demanding time with them. And the dad, in an attempt to respect his kids’ wishes, keeps saying no.
The dad is the parent with primary custody of the kids.
In his AITA post, the dad explained that he and his ex-wife share two kids, an 8-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter. He has been the primary parent for many years, and his ex has mental health issues that affect how her visits with their children go. Sometimes, she has supervised visitation, but currently their visits are not supervised.
The woman got remarried in 2024, and the kids have interactions with the new husband during her visitation. “He’s not someone they are attached to and they do not have the kind of relationship where they want to see him more,” the dad explained.
Allegedly, their lack of interest in the new husband is an issue with the mom.
“To the kids he’s the man their mom lives with,” the dad explained. “Neither one of them sees him as a member of their family and they don’t call him their stepdad which my ex mentioned and complained about via our co-parenting app in the past. But I have never tried to change my kids’ perception because he’s not someone they spend a lot of time with. Neither is their mom.”
Despite the kids’ ambivalence, the new husband has repeatedly requested to spend time with them without their mom. “Four of the times he has asked this he said he would like to spend more time with the kids and build up a better relationship with them as their stepdad,” the man said. But the dad always says no “because of how my kids talk about their relationship with him.”
The dad also admitted that he doesn’t like the idea of them spending time with the man either.
There are a lot of reasons for the dad to say no, but it’s not going over well.
“To me he’s a stranger and I don’t trust my ex’s judgement all that much. She has a bad track record since her struggles began and I don’t think spending time with him would benefit my children,” the dad wrote.
After his last refusal, the new husband claimed he was being “petty and jealous” by not allowing him to spend time with the kids. He believes that he should be seen as a part of the “parenting unit,” and the dad isn’t giving him a “chance to be good to my kids.” But the dad continues to assert that he’s only looking out for his kids and their best interest.
Everyone in the comments believes the dad is doing the right thing.
Many commenters praised the dad for steering clear of the new husband. This is especially true if they don’t really know each other either.
“OP please change your ex-wife to supervised visits again and stipulate the pushy insistence of her new husband to have unsupervised visits with your kids,” one person wrote. “There is zero reason a non-relation should be requesting that, it should only be your ex and you communicating and this screams to me as dodgey.”
“I find his persistence worrisome,” another person wrote. “He’s not the parent. He’s just someone your mentally unstable ex married. What do you know about him? Not letting your kids go hang with someone you know very little about is a smart thing. You are doing the right thing!”
Someone else reminded the dad that his kids made their feelings clear. “Tell him he cannot force himself on them and if he wants to be their friend or something, trying to get them like that won’t help him,” the commenter suggested. “You have every right to protect your kids and he has no rights to them or claims to them.”
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