Not all pregnancies are planned, and that’s fine. Just because you have a surprise baby doesn’t mean your child is any less valued. But often, if you have a child that you didn’t plan, there is a stigma you must face. Sometimes it comes from strangers, but a lot of the time, it comes from your own family.
A mom on social media made the decision to disinvite her in-laws from her child’s birthday after they mocked her and her husband for having a surprise baby. Now, she’s wondering if she went too far after her husband questioned her.
Her in-laws have a tendency to be passive-aggressive.
The woman shared her frustrations in Reddit’s AITA forum. She and her husband have been together for five years and their daughter is 4 years old. “She wasn’t planned, but we were happy and I have no regrets at ALL,” she wrote. “His family, not so much.”
She explains that his family has always been “cold” toward her. Additionally, she’s “noticed that they don’t treat our daughter the same as the other grandkids.”
While at her in-laws home, they began talking about her husband’s teenage years. “My mother in law than proceeded to joke in front of my daughter saying how he used to be so carefree and go with the flow ‘before he had to settle down so fast.’ Then she added ‘I bet he wished he had more time before jumping into the dad life with an oopsie baby,'” she wrote.
Naturally, the woman was ticked off.
The family left the home shortly after the comment because “it was getting late anyways.” Then, as she was putting her daughter to bed that night, the little one asked about the term “oopsie baby.”
“I felt heartbroken for her and basically explained that sometimes people have kids by accident, but that doesn’t make her any less special,” the mom explained.
After the comment, she didn’t want to be around her in-laws.
The woman then “ranted” to her husband, saying she didn’t want to have her daughter around her in-laws. “The last thing I want is for my baby girl to be questioning whether or not she’s wanted.”
With their daughter’s fifth birthday coming up, the mom said she doesn’t want to invite her in-laws to the party “until they apologize for making things awkward.” However, her husband thinks she’s “overreacting.” And he doesn’t think she has the right to disinvite his family.
People are generally on her side.
“If this isn’t the first comment they have made, they will continue to make more if you let this slide, do you want to spend the next few years of your life constantly trying to explain to your daughter and defuse a situation that they have caused?” one person wrote. “At some point she will be old enough to understand and then what is your husband going to do? Tell his daughter not to be so sensitive?”
“You don’t have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem. Why isn’t he standing up for your daughter?” another person asked. “Either he is oblivious to the different treatment or he doesn’t care, I’m not sure which is worse. You need to have a serious talk with him about setting boundaries and not allowing your daughter to be singled out.”
“Ya know what. Then HE can throw a birthday party where his family Is invited. I wouldn’t do anything else in regards to his family. Your daughter IS taking notice,” someone else wrote. “Don’t let her be treated as a second class citizen. You cannot control anyone except yourself. Tell your husband you’re done dealing with the passive aggressive jabs and trying to please them,” the commenter advised.
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