Back-to-school season is filled with shopping for school supplies, finding your child’s classroom, and getting your family back into a scheduled routine. But how can you prepare and support your children during their first school year after a divorce? A few tips can help you co-parent effectively and ensure your child has a productive and successful school year. Sharing responsibilities between parents creates less work and depicts a unified front for the children. Taking small steps toward collaboration after a divorce can lead to bigger steps going forward, making the children feel secure, organized, and connected to both parents.
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Have a Plan
Help your children by sticking to the parenting plan as closely as possible. You may have a different parenting plan for the school year than you did over the summer, so make sure you and your co-parent are on the same page. Don’t have a plan? Start by taking advantage of the drop-offs and pick-ups at school to assist in smooth commutes. Make sure the school knows of the current parenting schedule and who is responsible for the children at any given time.
Prior to the start of the school year, parents also should sit down and discuss what the children will need in terms of support. The amount of homework increases each year and should be talked about in terms of support and scheduling. Tag team assisting the children with their homework. Play to your strengths and assist in those subjects while the children are with you, letting the other parent assist with the subjects they excel in.
Also be sure to include stepparents in the discussions and the schedule. Their role in the children’s lives is essential and should not be overlooked.
Set a Routine
Keeping a routine for the children is the best way to support them with their “new normal.” Children thrive with routines and like the stability of knowing their schedule and when they’ll spend time with each parent, as well as being able to prepare for the weeks ahead. The children may have two different bus routes to get used to, an overnight bag to take with them, and may have to remember whose house they are staying at on any given night.
Changing schedules from week to week can put more stress on the children, and they may have trouble keeping it straight. It’s important to keep a parenting plan that is easy to remember for both the children and the parents and to communicate regularly with your children to remind them about their varying schedules.
Part of keeping a routine for the children includes how they'll operate in each parent’s home. This can involve having the same bedtime, homework, screen time schedules, etc. Maintaining consistency between households will solidify that the parents are a united front when caring for their children.
Keep a Joint Calendar
Another way to help with the schedule is to keep a joint calendar between co-parents. Use this calendar to ensure each parent is aware of the children’s school schedule, sports and extracurricular activities, and medical appointments, as well as each parent’s vacations. The calendar should include all school-events, including schoolwork deadlines, field trips, plays and performances, fundraisers, parent-teacher conferences, and the academic calendar. Maintaining a joint calendar will help parents in planning for important events and preparing for the school year ahead.
Much of the school’s information comes home in backpacks and can easily get lost when the children are traveling between homes. Be sure to check backpacks regularly, make copies of any notices, and share information with the other parent. Although it may be burdensome in the moment, it will be beneficial in the long run.
Inform the School
Before the school year starts, make sure the school is informed of your current parenting situation and has updated contact information for both parents. You also want to ensure that all correspondence throughout the year will be communicated to both parents. It may also be helpful to inform the children’s teachers and counselors that your children are going through a change and make sure they have proper school support in place.
Plan for Expenses
Back-to-school also includes many expenses parents need to address. Having an online tracker that allows parents to enter expenses for the children and assists with reimbursements will save parents any financial disputes. Parents can include all school-related expenses, such as supplies, field trips, book fairs, and lunches. Before school starts, the parents should discuss a timeframe of when reimbursements will be made (i.e. weekly, monthly, or quarterly).
Get Involved
It’s important to your children that you are there for them, however that may be. That can include attending extracurricular activities and appointments, volunteering at their events, attending school events, and communicating regularly with their teachers. Being involved as much as possible in their activities allows you more time with your children and demonstrates that both parents are providing a supportive and united environment in which their children can grow and thrive.
Co-parenting during the school year brings about different challenges than summer break, but staying on top of communication, schedules, and routines can ensure a successful year for both parents and most, importantly, their children. If you haven’t put a plan in place for this school year, it’s not too late to start.
