If you watched the TLC series 19 Kids & Counting when it first aired, you were presented with what one truly big and seemingly happy family looks like. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar became celebrities for having an unheard of brood of 19 children, and for the unconventional ways they lived, with rules for everything from the way they dressed to the way their older children could date a future spouse. And for many fans, all eyes were on Jinger Duggar from the start — the one they predicted would rebel against her upbringing.
As it turns out, those fans were right. Though her sister Jill broke free of the family’s cult-like Institute in Basic Life Principles religion years ago, Jinger is the one who is speaking out about it on the national stage. Since releasing her book Becoming Free Indeed in January 2023, Jinger has been outspoken about the ways that growing up in the IBLP instilled a faith-based fear in her that no child should ever have to experience.
In the book, Jinger revealed several new shocking details about her upbringing that we never would have guessed just by watching the Duggars on TV. Read on to find out all the bombshells that Jinger dropped within the pages.
More from CafeMom: Jinger Duggar Describes Her ‘Cult-Like’ Upbringing Under Michelle & Jim Bob’s Strict Rules
She Was Aware People Wanted Her To Break Free
As it turns out, despite the Duggar family bragging about giving their children limited access to the internet and even TV, Jinger was well aware of the online forums filled with fans who wanted her to break free of her family and its strict religious rules.
“The curators of the website saw in me a girl they assumed didn’t have the good life because she didn’t have unbridled freedom,” Jinger wrote in the first chapter of her book. “They thought, ‘If this girl could break free from her family’s ultraconservative rules — if she could wear what she wanted, date who she wanted, pursue the career she wanted, and drink what she wanted — then she would be happy.'”
She Battled an Eating Disorder
Jinger has spoken out about her eating disorder before, but she went into even more detail in Becoming Free Indeed.
“Convinced my body was an embarrassment, I ate very little. I’d go days hardly consuming any calories. My weight dropped, but my body image didn’t improve. It almost never does in those situations because the weight isn’t the problem,” she wrote, later adding that her parents helped pull her out of that tough time in her life, especially mom Michelle, who has struggled with disordered eating herself in the past.
26 Men Tried To Date Her Before Jeremy
Before courting her future husband, Jeremy Vuolo, Jinger revealed that her dad vetoed 26 suitors he didn’t approve of, most of whom she barely knew.
“Several had seen the show and decided they wanted to court a Duggar girl,” she wrote. “A similar number of guys were interested in each of my sisters.”
She Felt Emotional When 'Counting On' Was Canceled
After Counting On was officially axed by TLC in 2021 following older brother Josh’s shocking arrest, Jinger had mixed feelings — but sadness was a big one.
“We got the call on June 26, 2021, that TLC was canceling Counting On. When the call ended, I wrapped my arms around Jeremy and cried. Hard,” she wrote. “So many emotions poured out of me that day. I felt sad. Filming had been a constant in my life since I was around 10 years old. When the show was on break, and the crews didn’t come around for a few months, I missed the energy and excitement of interacting with all the creative people.”
She Was 'Surprised' the Show Lasted
Before it came to an end, Jinger said she and her family were “surprised” that they had their spot on TLC for the 13 years that 19 Kids & Counting and Counting On were on the air.
“In the early years, my family assumed the show would last no more than a season or two,” she confessed in the book. “It didn’t seem possible that that many Americans would be interested in a family with our conservative values.”
Jessa Also Left the IBLP
In her book, Jinger revealed that her sister Jessa was among the people who encouraged her to rethink her beliefs. Although Jessa has never spoken out the way that Jinger has, we now know that at least three Duggar children have left their place in the IBLP behind: Jill, Jessa, and Jinger.
Jinger Never Wanted a Lot of Kids
Even though the IBLP encourages women to have as many children as they can, prohibiting the use of birth control for followers, Jinger knew from an early age that she was never going to have 19 kids like her mom.
“Many of my sisters gladly volunteered to watch our nieces and nephews. They also offered to babysit for family friends. I joined them from time to time, but I wasn’t passionate about kids,” she admitted. “I wasn’t the girl who begged to hold other people’s babies. I admire those who strongly desire to have a lot of children.”
She Lied to Her Diary
In her first book, The Hope We Hold (written together with her husband), Jinger revealed that her diary was stolen by someone who visited the Duggar home. But in Becoming Free Indeed, she admitted that she hadn’t even told the truth in it anyway.
“When I read [my diary] today, I’m struck by what is missing,” she wrote. “I was afraid to say the wrong thing; to confess my inner desires even in a diary. I didn’t express any of the feelings and fears that were a constant part of my childhood. Rather than serving as a true chronicle of Jinger Duggar’s inner life, my diary was yet another place of performance: a tool where I practiced projecting the version of myself that I wanted everyone — parents, siblings, friends, or fans of the show — to see.”
She Felt Responsible for Others' 'Impure Thoughts'
The Duggar daughters were all required to dress modestly, covering their knees and shoulders at all times, and as we know from their shows, the girls would often shout out “Nike!” as a code word when they saw someone dressed immodestly so their brothers would know to avert their eyes. This is something a young Jinger really took to heart.
“If someone struggled with impure thoughts because of something I wore, then I bore some responsibility for that person’s sin,” she wrote. “I needed to make sure no one stumbled because of my outfit choices.”
It Was Hard for Her To Really Get To Know Jeremy
Thanks to her family’s restrictive rules around courtship, Jinger was never alone with Jeremy before their wedding day, which made it difficult for her to have discussions with him that she wouldn’t want her siblings — their chaperones — to overhear.
“We obviously didn’t want to have those important discussions that every couple needs to have if a brother or sister was in earshot,” she admitted.
She Couldn't Be Herself
The first year of her marriage to Jeremy, Jinger struggled expressing her own opinions, thinking that she needed to be submissive to him and avoid conflict at all costs.
“I acted like I was the one responsible for my husband’s happiness and fidelity to me. For my entire life, I’d been taught that when I married, I needed to perform for my husband,” she wrote.
Josh Was Living a Lie
Looking back on the time before Josh was arrested (and eventually convicted and required to serve a federal prison sentence) for receiving and possessing child sexual assault material, Jinger now knows that he was a hypocrite.
“[Josh] used his platform, and even his job at the Family Research Council, to promote some of the same ideas [Bill] Gothard (founder of the IBLP) taught,” she wrote. “But while he looked the part in so many ways, the true Josh appears to be much different. He was living a lie. Even though he claimed to follow Jesus, his actions gave no evidence of a true love for the Lord, a heart changed by the gospel.”
She's Suffered From Severe Social Anxiety
Being brought up in a big family with restrictive rules, where she never went anywhere alone and always had her siblings around her for support, led to Jinger having major social anxiety when she and Jeremy moved to Texas after they got married, and she struggled to make friends. She invited one person she met at church out to brunch, and cried beforehand because she was so nervous.
“The pressure of figuring out what to say, combined with the fear of saying the wrong thing, became overwhelming,” she wrote. “Moments like that almost didn’t feel real. They were more like out-of-body experiences.”
She Followed All the Courtship Rules
Though other Duggar couples have admitted to breaking the courtship rules that Jim Bob and Michelle set up for their children with the IBLP’s guidance, Jinger and Jeremy weren’t one of them.
“We didn’t go on one-on-one dates. Our time together took place at one of our family’s homes, or we had a sibling tag along with us if we went shopping, to a restaurant, or went for a walk,” she wrote. “We also didn’t hold hands until we were engaged or kiss until marriage. My parents encouraged us to follow these guidelines.”
She & Her Sisters Would Joke About Gothard
Bill Gothard stepped down as leader of the IBLP in 2014 after he was the subject of sexual assault accusations, and he was known for his “harem” of women who all looked a certain way, many of whom were allegedly underage. In her book, Jinger confessed that she and her sisters would call those women “Gothard’s girls” and that she once put a blond wig on, pretending to be one of them.
“Now, after everything that’s happened over the past 10 years, I realize the joke wasn’t funny,” she wrote.
