According to the old cliché, variety is the spice of life. According to researchers, sexual variety is one of the keys to a happy marriage — so mixing it up in the bedroom and trying new things is a great idea, right?
Well, sure — if you find new things that you enjoy sexually. But let's be honest, sometimes there are things you try in bed and realize you NEVER want to do again.
I got 10 women to share what they tried and hated when it came to keeping things spiced up in the bedroom. For obvious reasons, they asked to stay anonymous, even though they were willing to give us all sorts of juicy and sometimes LOL details.
Read on for some total sexytimes fails!
Food Play
"We tried to do the whole sexy food stuff during sex. We had chocolate, whipped cream, strawberries, the works. It was sort of fun, until I realized we had ruined my favorite sheets (chocolate stains) and that I got a raging yeast infection (thanks, whipped cream). File under: not worth it."
Frisky in the Backseat
"We decided to relive the high school days and go 'parking.' We were half naked in the backseat when we saw the police car pull up. Totally busted and totally embarrassing. The police officers were laughing at us because we were about 20 years older than the average couple they catch."
Slap Happy
"We were doing some experimenting with S&M type stuff. At one point, I got carried away and asked him to slap my face. He didn't want to, but he did it anyways. Then he felt weird and guilty and it hurt more than I expected and we both ended up in tears. Not sexy at all. We definitely found our limit that night."
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Sexting
"Sending sexual pics via text. We did that once while we were both traveling for work. Then my sister-in-law had my phone a week later, and she saw a picture of her little brother's hard penis. Never doing that again. I suppose this is why Snapchat was invented!"
Strapped On
"There's no nice way to say [this], so here goes. I put on a strap-on, and, well — did him in the butt? Ew. No. NEVER AGAIN. He didn't dislike it. I couldn't do it for very long though, it was too weird and pretty gross."
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Rooms by the Hour
"There is this super trashy hotel in our town called the 'No Tell Motel' that has hourly rates available. We thought it would be funny/sexy to meet there for a nooner one day. We rented a room for an hour ($18) and got it on, even though the room was kind of gross. We found out later it was infested with bed bugs. It ended up costing us hundreds and hundreds of dollars to get our house treated for the stupid things. I still itch when I think about it."
Hot for Teacher?
"Role playing — NOT FOR ME! My husband is a teacher, so we tried the whole sexy school girl/hot for teacher thing. It just made me feel weird, and I couldn't stop feeling dorky and the opposite of sexy. On the plus side, I discovered that I still fit into my Catholic school uniform from high school, so there's that."
Threesome
"Having a threesome was my husband's all-time fantasy, and so I arranged to make that happen for his 40th birthday. That is something that just didn't live up to the hype. We drank too much before — liquid courage — so it was sloppy and he kept losing his erection. I really didn't love watching him kiss someone else and it all felt forced and overhyped. Never again."
Backdoor Time
"My never again is anal. We tried it and yeah. NOPE. Not for me. It hurt!"
Caught on Film
"We thought it would be sexy to record ourselves having sex on my husband's phone. And then I watched like two minutes of it and deleted it. Some things DO NOT look as sexy as you might think, especially after four kids. #floppyboobs"
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