Father's Day is almost here, and it's time to celebrate the enigmas we call dads. With moms, you know what you're getting: unconditional love, boo-boo kissing, and your biggest cheerleader. A mom will throw herself in front of a bullet for you. But with dads, as wonderful, funny, and involved as they are, sometimes it feels like fatherhood was a last-minute road trip their wives dragged them along on.
Dads embrace the journey and do their best, but bless their little daddy hearts, sometimes it seems like they're not exactly sure where they're meant to be going. If moms are the well-balanced meal every kid needs to eat to grow up healthy and strong, dads are the seasoning and dessert that make all that healthy food palatable and enjoyable.
In honor of dads everywhere, who we know love nothing more than a good dad joke — except for maybe his kids — here are hilarious tweets about fathers and Father's Day. We laugh with you because you're our heroes.
More from CafeMom: 20 Things Dads Actually Want To Do on Father's Day
Chores Disguised as a Gift
We see the dads giving moms vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, and washing machines, and we raise them a home renovation project. Happy building gentlemen. Until next year. Enjoy the gift card.
What Goes Around Comes Around
It's all fun and games giving Dad those homemade gifts until that's what he gets the rest of the family for Christmas. Imagine waking up on Christmas morning and getting a coupon book with promises of wiping a butt and walking a kid to school? Rethink that expired car wash coupon STAT.
Mom's Got Jokes, Too
Maybe Mom's bitter that Dad got a day of solitude and golf and all she got was a new Roomba. Either way, she's right. She did the heavy lifting, but without his DNA, there would be no child to father. It takes two, baby.
Dad's Got Your Back
Thank dad this year for always being the "fun" one. Dads let kids test their boundaries and get dirty in an otherwise sanitized world of mom's doing. Dads instill in children consequences and a healthy dose of common sense.
It's the Simple Things
How many times over the year has a dad yelled, "Turn off the lights!" Well, give the man what he wants — turn off those lights. Just do it quickly so he doesn't have to it repeat the order a half dozen times again.
What's Good for the Goose Is Good for the Gander
Mom got her day off without children for Mother's Day, so it only stands to reason that Dad should get the day with the kids all to himself. Just kidding. Give that man an IPA and a day alone at the golf course.
Food Poisoning in Bed
Breakfast in bed is pretty standard for Father's Day. He deserves the break, but sometimes the intention is better than what's actually on the menu. Stay healthy, dads.
Things That Make You Go Boo Hoo
Sometimes the best Father's Day gift is one from the heart. Cologne, golf clubs, and aged bourbon are great, but when a kid tells a man that he's a superhero, it hits a little differently.
Weird Things Dads Do for No Reason at All
Is there a reason for this? All dads seem to do it. Is there a secret way to eat M&Ms that only men who have procreated are privy to? Because that wasn't in the mom handbook.
Not for the Living Dad
If Dad's still alive, skip this particular Father's Day card. The sentiment is in the right place, but it sounds like dad might be in the past tense. Nothing like making him question his existence.
More from CafeMom: 20 Father's Day Gifts No One Can Go Wrong With
What He Really, Really Wants
The truth might hurt, but it's exactly what most moms want for their special day. Give him a day alone. Take those kids to the park and let the man enjoy his coffee in peace. It's priceless.
Soccer Dads
Even when they'd prefer not to be, they are there. On the sidelines, screaming for us to win. They show up for their kids. Maybe score a goal of appreciation for the old man.
Father Knows Best
Fatherhood is a 24/7 job and there's never a real day off. But maybe on Father's Day, mom can unclog the toilets and let dad sleep in? There is nothing like a day free of responsibility to mark the holiday.
Dad Version of Peeing Alone
Moms just want to pee alone. Dad elevated his expectations, wanting the parent trifecta. We can spare five minutes. Give the man what he wants today.
Dad Truth
With kids, always expect the unexpected. Maybe dad's getting a new jet ski, maybe he's getting breakfast in bed, or maybe he's getting hit in the head with a musical instrument. It doesn't matter — it's the thought that counts, and Dad will love it.
