Though all dads are different, there are two things that most fathers are excellent at: grilling a mean burger and telling some truly lame jokes. In fact, the lamest, punniest of jokes are now officially known as "dad jokes" — even if sometimes, they'd be more appropriately known as "bad jokes." However, most of the time, they're so bad they're good, and we can't help but laugh. Besides, isn't that all our dads are trying to do in the first place?
Of course, moms can be funny too, but there's a reason there's no such thing as "mom jokes." Dad jokes are simply one of the best things about having these men in our lives — and even those who don't consider themselves to be super funny will have at least a few of them up their sleeves to pull out at just the right time.
If you're looking for some new dad jokes to add to your repertoire — or just want to be able to beat Dad at his own game — then read no further. These are the best that this particular genre of humor has to offer, and even if you have to roll your eyes a little at some of them, laughs are almost guaranteed.
Nurses & Crayons
Want to know why nurses love red crayons? Because they draw blood.
Don't be surprised if Dad pulls this one out during a visit to the doctor to lighten the mood — not that we'd ever shut down an attempt to make us laugh at a time when we probably need it the most!
What Came First?
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
Ah, yes, a play on the age old question: What came first, the chicken or the egg? Dads have probably been making jokes on this topic for decades, but now that we order everything online, new opportunities for laughs are always presenting themselves.
Growing a Beard
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Don't be surprised if Dad pulls out this one-liner when he's noticed someone has been letting facial hair grow in — or if he's decided to start sporting a mustache or a beard himself. Any opportunity for a joke!
Extra Socks
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks golfing? In case they get a hole in one.
Considering the fact that a lot of dads out there like golfing, there's no surprise that this is a pretty common dad joke. Not to mention the fact that it actually is funny.
In Space
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
Get it? Because it's in space? Yeah. Science- and astronomy-loving dads pull this one out pretty frequently, but it's definitely worth at least a giggle or two — even if other times it makes you want to send him to the moon.
Potty Humor
You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
This is the perfect joke for dad to make when taking a bathroom break (or when traveling to Europe, to be honest). Why is it that dads always know the best bathroom-related jokes to tell?
Pizza Night
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
This joke is almost guaranteed to come up during pizza night, because it practically tells itself. (And for the record, all dad jokes are cheesy — even the ones that are unrelated to mozzarella cheese.)
Under Construction
Want to hear a joke about construction? You'll need to wait because I'm still working on it!
This joke is most likely to come out of your dad's mouth when experiencing construction delays during a road trip … or honestly, any time he might see a dirt mover. It's worth at least a cursory giggle!
Solving a Mystery
Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.
Try watching a true crime show around your dad without this joke coming out. It's funny, though — even if an actual briefcase probably couldn't be used as a murder weapon. Well, maybe. Have you seen Snapped?
Unemployed
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Forget ever starting a new job without hearing a joke from your dad — whether it's this one or something else. Of course, that's only after he's already congratulated you, probably in the form of a different joke.
Can I See Some ID?
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.
That's because anyone who was old enough to have a Blockbuster card turned 21 many, many years ago. This is a good joke for a birthday or a visit to the liquor store. Sorry to the cashiers in advance!
Scarecrow Jokes
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
There's a joke for every season, and that includes the fall! We all love a good trip to the pumpkin patch when October rolls around, after all. And why would we rob Dad of the opportunity to tell this joke?
Math Jokes
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this!
Whether or not your dad loves math, there's no doubt he's got this joke tucked away for the perfect opportunity when it finally presents itself. And if he's a math teacher? Forget it!
Hardware Humor
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder," he said.
Here's a little tool humor for ya — a joke that Dad is likely to pull out of his back pocket while he's working on projects around the house or taking a trip to a home improvement store.
Bike Joke
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
Many of us have fond memories of our dads teaching us how to ride a bike, and many of us have memories of him telling us this joke in the process, probably more than once.
A Grave Joke
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
This is a dad joke that many of us have heard on multiple occasions — and those occasions are anytime we're in the car with Dad and he's driving past a cemetery. Who doesn't love a little dark humor?
Sleeping in Class
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine — he woke up.
We've all been totally faked out by our dads when they're acting like they're telling us something serious that is, once again, leading to a very cheesy dad joke like this one. Sigh …
Salad Humor
What did the ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door? "Close the door, I'm dressing!"
Let's be real: Any time a dad can use the play on "dressing" to mean getting dressed and the kind you put on salad at the same time, he's going to do it. We can't blame him for this one!
A Dad Joke About Dad Jokes
I like telling Dad jokes … sometimes he laughs.
In case anyone was wondering, yes, it is possible for Dad to go a little meta with the dad jokes … by making a joke about his own jokes, of course. Bonus points if grandpa happens to be in the room!
Dental Appointment
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
This is an oldie but definitely a goodie. And if Dad tells us this one when we're nervous about a dental procedure, well … we have to hold back on rolling our eyes, because at least he's trying to cheer us up!
