Dear Dana,
Not gonna lie, I weirdly miss spending all day with my husband now that things have opened up again. How do I deal with my post-pandemic separation anxiety?
Hey Post-Pandemic Wifey,
Adjusting to a new normal is hard, even if it’s a normal we’ve had before — I totally get it. It was an adjustment when the pandemic started — suddenly you and your husband went from spending evenings together to working from home all day, everyday. It was a challenge, but you navigated it as a unit.
Eventually, the shift from your normal routine was a welcome one. Perhaps there was more time for sensual “afternoon delights,” maybe you bonded closer as you shared domestic responsibilities. Possibly, your hubby realized just how much you do in a day and showed some major appreciation.
As we return to our pre-pandemic routines, it’s easy to slide back into our old ways and let newly found intimacy slip.
Suddenly, you’re seeing your man in the mornings, separating for the day, and coming back home for dinner, kid-time, and half-watching Netflix from opposite ends of the couch in a pretty predictable pattern.
Sound familiar? If that’s the case, I can see why you’re missing your man and feeling some valid separation anxiety. Soothe your anxiety by consciously connecting with your partner — make it a priority for you both!
Here are a few tips to help you do just that:
Kiss More
You probably aren't locking lips as often as you were a couple months ago. Time to change that.
The more you kiss, the more connected your relationship will be. It requires you to get up close and personal several times a day and is a tool to quickly drop petty annoyances, communicate that you love each other, and show support. Simply put, a kiss is a connection point.
Try making a pact with your partner to kiss at least 10 times a day. Short and sweet or hot and steamy — every kiss counts. Do this for a week and you may find a delicious new habit has formed as well as a renewed sense of closeness!
Practice Touch Without Expectation
Throughout the pandemic, physical touch probably led into sex fairly often — at least, a lot more than it does these days. But "back to normal" may mean you’re craving more intimacy and loving touch right now — not just sex. And “touch without expectation” can be a beautiful practice to simply connect.
Agree with your partner to touch more without expectation that things are going to go further … So:
- Put your head on his shoulder as you watch the kids play.
- Fold yourselves into each other’s embrace.
- Trail your fingers along his arm as you pass by.
- Hold hands as you walk to the car or wait in line.
Just touch each other. Think of those brief moments throughout the day and revel in the feelings of closeness.
Surprise Gestures
Surprising your partner can bring some excitement back into your relationship. Especially if you set up your surprise to happen while you’re not physically together. (Three cheers for the power of technology!)
An unprompted romantic act can start as simply as bringing home a bottle of his favorite whiskey or writing a love note for him to discover at work. Even better, record a voice memo telling him in detail what you love about him. (Remember to set an alarm to remind him to listen!)
Surprise gestures can be small and simple while carrying huge meaning. These gestures aren’t rocket science, just a little loving thoughtfulness. It won’t be long until he’s returning the favors. But if he doesn't? A simple, “I love when you X before I ask you” goes a long way.
Create a Morning Ritual
You may already have a morning routine, but do you have a morning ritual with your man? I’m not talking about rolling out of bed and rushing to get everyone out the door. I’m talking about something sweet that you and the hubs can commit to together.
It could be as simple as rolling over for a sleepy hug that ends in six kisses, or asking each other the same questions: What are you grateful for? What do you want to accomplish today? You might even share a few of the things you love about each other.
Your morning connection could also be silly — a fun, secret handshake before you head out the door. A morning ritual will create a palpable tenderness and sense of closeness that’s going to linger in both your minds all day.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Missing each other a bit during the day can be fun. A well-crafted text can say a lot — if you know what I mean.
I definitely get the way you’re feeling. I work with my husband all day long, but I still find myself missing him when we’re apart. (Though we both cherish our alone time as well!)
Chances are, your man is probably feeling the same way. So talk to him and decide together how you’re going to consistently nurture your connection into a post-pandemic world.
You’ve got this, mama!
XOXO,
Dana
ICYMI, check out some of my previous columns:
Ask Dana: My Husband & I Want To Have a Threesome. What 'Rules' Should We Put In Place?
My Partner & I Have Issues Communicating. How Can We Stop Arguing & Get Closer?
My Husband and I Have Sex Every Two Weeks — Are We Getting It On Enough?
Honestly, Sleep Sounds Better Than Sex Most Nights. How Do I Get My Libido Back?
Dana B. Myers is the founder of Booty Parlor and author of The Mommy Mojo Makeover. Ask Dana your burning relationship questions at [email protected].
