Co-parenting can be really challenging, especially when the two parents don’t feel like they’re on the same team. This happens often unless there’s a lot of communication and a willingness to compromise where necessary. But sometimes even these processes can make the situation worse.
And that seems to be the case for one woman, who is now facing a situation with her ex. The original poster is struggling to manage expectations and come to an agreement on a compromise with the father of her kids. OP needed some outside advice, so she took to Reddit to share what’s been going on.
Her ex gave her an ultimatum.
Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP detailed the struggle she’s having with her ex.
“I wanted to take my kids to see my family but as that required international travel I needed my ex to give me permission,” OP began her post. “He finally agreed, on the condition that for every day I was out of the country with our kids, I owed him 3 days to do whatever he wanted with them even if that meant I had to be there too.”
The deal was made, and now OP 'owes' her ex, and he’s called on that favor.
“I owe him 15 days and he wants to take them to Portugal,” OP shared. “He expects me to go with them but I really don’t want to.”
Fifteen days alone with your ex doesn’t sound like a good time, but he’s not budging.
“I’ve been trying to renegotiate with him but he said I can’t change the terms after he’s already given me what I wanted and that I should've expected this,” OP continued. “I assumed he was going to want the kids to spend overnights with him for the days but I didn't think he would want to take them abroad.”
OP told her ex that she wasn’t going to go, and that 15 days was too much.
“I told him I wasn’t going yesterday,” she shared, “so things have blown up between us.” OP explained that her ex’s perspective is that her refusing to go isn’t fair to him.
“From his perspective it’s unfair that I can go abroad with our kids and he can’t,” she wrote. “Our youngest is 13 months and we both agree he shouldn’t be separated from me for 15 days which is why he can’t take him yet. I did mention that he could take them once our youngest is older but he wouldn’t accept that as a compromise.”
Her ex then gave it to her straight, and OP felt like she was left with no options.
“He outright said I had no choice,” OP explained, “and is using the fact that our oldest is excited to go to guilt me into backing down.”
Her ex offered a compromise, but it wasn’t much of one. “His compromise is offering to invite his brother and his girlfriend if I’m too scared to be alone with him, which isn’t much of a compromise, in my opinion.”
After sharing the details of her conundrum, OP turned it over to the Reddit community to weigh in.
"You need to consult your attorney," one person advised. "Him requiring 3 days for every 1 day that you have the kids is bulls—. And there is no way in hell I'd travel to a foreign country for 2 weeks with my ex, I'd never expect anyone to do this. Please consult with your attorney and have adjustments made to your parenting plan that outlines international travel guidelines."
Another Redditor thinks her ex is doing this on purpose. “He's being an a–hole on purpose to ‘get back’ at you,” the commenter suggested. “It is absolutely unreasonable to demand you travel internationally for weeks on his whim and you just tell him to f— himself (probably in a nicer way to keep good relations for the kids' sake).”
“He took advantage of you,” wrote another person. “That deal was [a way] for him to get you to take care of the kids [while] he enjoys a vacation. He cant make you leave the country. Sounds like a set up.”
“Three days to one seems like an entirely unfair deal, which leads me to believe that you didn't have much choice but to agree if you wanted to take your children,” shared someone else. “Someone who would set terms like that is likely a giant manipulator. Get these things ironed out legally and just abide by those terms.”
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