Seeing your spouse's ex might not be your favorite thing in the world, but it's probably inevitable if they have children together. No one ever said you have to be best friends, but having a cordial relationship is certainly better than being nasty to each other. And let's not forget the kids — they deserve kindness and respect, too.
If you and your ex share custody, you have to hand off the children from time to time. Some people do this at a public place, while others are perfectly comfortable picking up and dropping off their children at each other's homes. They may even come inside to visit. As long as everyone is happy, what's the big deal?
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Apparently, having your ex around is a big deal for some people.
A man posted in Reddit's AITA forum about a situation with his wife and his ex that has him befuddled. He and his ex-wife share a son, and she was picking him up one day with her other kids in tow. One had to use the bathroom, so she asked if they could come inside. OP didn't think it was a big deal. Sure, he and his wife were entertaining, but when a kid has to go, they have to go.
"I obviously said yes. She came up with her 3 younger kids. She didn't know we had company, so apologized for interrupting, before taking the kids to the bathroom. On her way out a couple of the guests stopped her for a quick chat (friends I've had since she and I were married) but it was only a few minutes. My son gave his little siblings some of the snacks that were out for guests," he wrote.
His wife and her sister were not happy.
Apparently, they thought it was totally rude of the ex-wife to come inside with her kids and called the behavior tacky. They were shocked that she would talk to the other guests, even though she'd known the people for years. OP felt like his wife and her sister were totally overreacting, and he was just being a decent human being.
"Am I really the a–hole here? I was trying to do a normal nice thing but now I feel bad about upsetting my wife," he questioned.
He didn't invite them to stay for the evening.
OP pointed out this was a very brief interaction that only took minutes. Redditors felt it was totally reasonable and kind of him to let the children and his ex into the home to use the bathroom.
This person pointed out the obvious commented: "NTA. What kind of lesson would you be teaching your son if you refused to let the younger child in to use the bathroom? Your wife needs to rethink her values."
Another person agreed writing: "Nta. Denying a small child the use of a bathroom would have been an a–hole move."
Perhaps OP and his wife need to talk this over.
It's not about the kid using the bathroom, but some are worried that OP and his wife may not have spoken about boundaries.
"You're not an a–hole for letting your ex in under those circumstances," one person commented. "However, discussing and understanding your wife's feelings is important for resolving this."
And this person felt like someone else was to blame: "Your SIL is stirring the pot."
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It's never wrong to be kind.
Redditors agreed that allowing the child to go to the bathroom was the most decent move OP could make. Sure, it might have made his wife uncomfortable in the moment, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal. A kid having an accident and knowing it could have been prevented would've been much more of a jerk move.
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