My Fiancée Wants To Announce Her Pregnancy at Her Cousin’s Wedding

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When you have exciting news to share, you want to blurt it out to the whole world. But it's probably a good idea to consider when to share, who you are sharing that information with, and what their circumstances are. 

On Reddit's "Am I The A–hole?" forum, a poster, we'll call him OP (original poster), asked whether he is being unfair to his fiancée by telling her she shouldn't announce her pregnancy at her cousin's wedding. 

One crucial piece of information is that the couple who are set to wed has been having trouble conceiving.

"Her cousin and her husband [have] been struggling [to get] pregnant even with IVF … Recently they just got some news that their insurance has stopped funding IVF and not to mention the heartbreak of a recent miscarriage on Mother's Day," he wrote. "They almost understandably held off on the wedding."

When his fiancée shared with him that she wanted to announce her news at her cousin's wedding, OP told her it was not a good idea and that it was wrong since it was their wedding day. It wasn't the time or place to steal the thunder from the couple.

OP asked his fiancée if she was going to ask for permission from her cousin, but she said no 'because she wanted it to be a surprise for everyone.'

He elaborated on the history of the relationship between his fiancée and her cousin, explaining that they've been competitive since they were kids. From grades and cosmetics to dancing, her cousin was always better.

"Last year they had an argument about it because [my] fiancée felt her [cousin] bragged too much, [whereas] my fiancée also mentioned 'there was one thing her [cousin] wasn't good at.' But never said what it was." 

OP, however, thinks her cousin invited her to the wedding as a way to rekindle their relationship.

OP noted that announcing their pregnancy news would be incredibly hard on the family because their baby would be the first one in three years.

His fiancée justified her decision to want to share the news on her cousin's big day, however, by telling him that it's the best time to share the news "because it's such a joy and it's not like she can keep it away forever and their problems shouldn't keep her from telling something so positive, so it's on them if they turn it negative."

OP then told his fiancée that she was being selfish because she doesn't know what her cousin is going through. His fiancée responded by crying and claiming he wasn't being supportive and that he shouldn't call her selfish. She added she doesn't want him going to the wedding anymore.

OP was left wondering whether he was being selfish for calling her out.

Redditors weighed in and were unanimous in their decision. OP is not the one in the wrong. Most of the commenters thought his fiancée was the a–hole for being self-centered and disrespectful.

"Are you sure you want to marry this person?" one commenter asked. "She seems to have zero self-awareness, and when you didn't leap to three cheers for her stupid idea, she doesn't want you there because you'll kill the mood? She definitely loves herself above everyone else including you."

"Her announcement will traumatize the couple that is getting married," another commenter shared. "It's such a horribly selfish move that I'm having trouble believing this post is real. If it is: YIKES. She is incredibly insensitive and selfish. Plus she is manipulative as all heck with giving you the silent treatment."

"Hijacking someone's event to make your own announcement is extremely rude and selfish," added another commenter. "Addon that the couple is having trouble getting pregnant themselves — it's that x10."

A couple of Redditors offered ways OP could prevent his fiancée from opening her mouth at the wedding.

"The cherry on top is knowing that the couple getting married is having issues getting pregnant, and yet she still thinks it's a good idea," someone wrote. "She needs to be stopped, OP you need to bring in others to intervene before she opens her trap at the wedding."

"Give the cousin a call and let them know what's up," wrote someone else. "Give them a chance to uninvite her. She will ruin the day for them if she's not stopped. What a horrible, selfish person!"

Lastly, one person weighed in on why his fiancée might be behaving this way: "I really hope this is just hormones from pregnancy and not a habit of selfish thinking."