The loss of a child almost always brings with it unimaginable grief and heartache. Couples rely on each other to get through the often tremendously difficult days. People deal with grief in many different ways, and sometimes that can mean isolating themselves from others, which can be difficult for both parties when you have a partner who is also grieving. But what if your partner turns to someone else for comfort? Would it hurt?
A couple lost their son at just 3 years old and they are both understandably devastated. They're working through the pain but have grown apart. The mother posted in Reddit's True Off My Chest forum for guidance on how to deal with her husband after he made a shocking confession in the wake of their son's death.
The original poster feels like she is living with a stranger. Instead of leaning on her after their son's death, her husband turned to a close female friend. OP was understanding about it as the pair have been good friends for years, but her husband recently dropped a bomb on her. Not only was he looking to this woman for support, but they had also been having an affair. OP is heartbroken, and although her husband is begging for forgiveness, she just can't get there.
OP's husband shut her out after their son died.
Since the death of their son, OP's husband has been emotionally distant with her. As she shared, "Despite living in the same house, we were so far apart." Instead of spending time with her, her husband has been hanging out with a female friend he has known for 13 years. OP never thought anything of it.
"I never suspected anything off about him spending time with her because she's always been his comfort person. He did this daily til one day he stopped," she explained.
She started noticing changes in her husband.
All of a sudden, OP one day noticed a change in her husband's attitude. He was cranky and lashed out at her if she mentioned his friend's name. She assumed they fought and totally did not expect what would happen next.
"He sat me down, started crying and confessed to me that he slept with her everyday for almost 2 months!!! He said he didn't know how it happened or why. But mostly blamed it on the wrecked emotional state he was in," she wrote on Reddit.
The affair seemed like no big deal to OP's husband.
Her husband explained that the affair began unexpectedly. The attraction seemed natural, and even though it started up right after the funeral, no alcohol was involved. He said that he came onto his friend, and she didn't stop him even though she had the opportunity to do so.
Uh, gross.
He swore that he never thought that it would happen. It just did. But it wasn't just once. He did it every day for almost two months. OP was beside herself.
OP's husband has moved out, at least temporarily.
Her husband has since decided to stay with his dad. OP can't get this off of her mind, and it has put her in a deep depression. She doesn't know what to do.
"Everything just seems to be falling apart including my own body. He is asking for forgiveness because he calls it 'unique circumstance' but something in me refuses to to forgive," she explained.
Redditors think that OP's husband's behavior is inexcusable.
OP is already in so much pain and her husband is just exacerbating that. People on Reddit don't think that he deserves her forgiveness.
"No, he choose to betray in your darkest hour. Do not forgive him," someone commented. "Unique circumstances my a–. He risked your health and risked knocking up another woman right after your son just passed. What a cruel cruel man. I am so sorry for your loss."
"I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry for your loss. But don't forgive that man, two months?! Everyday for two months?!?" another person wrote. "At that point they both decided they were committed to just sleeping with each other. Not once thinking of the additional damage he would be giving you? After the loss of your kid? No."
Many people think he is being selfish. OP lost a child too.
"You BOTH suffered a loss. I am so sorry for the loss of your son but I will not be sorry for losing such a partner," another comment reads. "Your circumstances are a nightmare understandably but you should not whatsoever forgive that man. He doesn't deserve an ounce of pity or kindness, neither him nor his friend."
It may be time for a divorce.
OP and her husband have been through a lot, but maybe this tragedy has proven that they shouldn't be together. Redditors think that perhaps they should divorce.
"I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like you need a clean break from this," one person wrote. "Divorce and move on. Tragedy shows you who people really are. And those two arent worth saving."
Another person simply wrote, "Divorce divorce divorce divorce."
"First off, you're not required to forgive anyone," someone else wrote. Second, this wasn't a one-time tryst but a full-blown affair that he justified by using "grief" as an excuse. That's horsesh–. You just lost your son and your marriage, give yourself some time to process this.
"Then you make two calls, to find a therapist, and then a divorce attorney," the person continued. "Even if you decided not to throw in the towel to your marriage, it's not a bad idea to explore your options. Although I wouldn't blame you for kicking this guy to the curb permanently."
Redditors don't want OP to hurt anymore. Instead, it's time to heal.
The loss of a child and then emotionally losing her husband is killing OP. People on Reddit want her to find healing for herself.
As one person suggested, "Use this as a chance to start over and begin healing on your own. Meanwhile he can live with the fact that he lost his child AND his wife. I'm so sorry for your loss OP I hope you have family and friends to lean on right now."
"Get yourself into grief counseling. Don't fall into the rage, it's just a bandage for the grief," someone else warned. "The grief you will have to face to start healing. Have yourself a good cry tears are healing."
"Please take time and space away from this man to heal yourself," a third person chimed in. "You have ENOUGH to deal with grieving your child, which is a process that will unfold in different ways over your lifetime."
Your husband doesn't deserve you, OP.
Redditors agree that you are strong and will probably do better without your husband dragging you down. They want you to find peace and love. You deserve that. Redditors say you need to be selfish about your well-being. Find someone who can help you manage your grief and leave the cheater behind.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
