If you’ve ever found yourself getting into it with a family member, you know that almost always happens at the exact wrong moment. So of course, one woman and her new sister-in-law wound end up getting into a disagreement while at the her husband’s wake. Apparently, her SIL wasn’t too happy that the original poster’s husband died on her wedding day and blamed the OP and her husband for not taking more precautions to keep him safe.
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In the OP’s words, her brother-in-law 'A' recently married fiancée 'B' last year and it’s still causing her all sorts of problems.
The two got married 30 minutes away by boat from the city where they live, the OP wrote in a post on the Am I the A–hole forum.
“During the reception, my husband (D) collapsed,” she wrote. “His brain aneurysm ruptured and he never made it to the hospital.”
Clearly, it was heartbreaking, and on the first day of her husband’s wake, A and B came to mourn and to pay their respects.
'A had been crying, I noticed how he looked like he hadn't had any sleep,' she wrote.
Although B gave the OP her condolences and placed flowers on her husband’s casket, her BIL was there for her all the time after that, only leaving to shower and change, while B would come to visit every night.
“On the 4th night, while I was making myself coffee, B approached me and started telling me how terrible things had been,” the OP wrote. “D dying on the most important day of her life.”
The OP told her she was devastated and assured her that they’d always been careful since they found out about her husband’s aneurysm.
He had even quit his job as a physics teacher three years before so he could take better care of his health.
He would regularly go to the doctor for checkups.
“B cut me off and asked me ‘so you mean you knew about the aneurysm?’ I told her yes and that he had been taking medication for it,” the OP recalled.
B said A had never mentioned it and then continued to blame the OP for letting her husband dance and drink at her wedding (“he only had a glass of champagne,” the OP clarified).
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The OP was confused, so she asked B what she meant.
“She basically told me that had she known about my husband's illness, she never would've invited us to her wedding.”
Yep. B blamed the OP and her husband for ruining her wedding. She told the OP that after she and her husband left, their reception was cut short and A was so upset he wasn’t able to focus on his new wife.
“I told her to leave before I forget that she was ever my friend. She didn't listen and continued telling me how expensive her wedding was and that by ruining it, I owe her half of the expenses,” the OP recalled.
The OP yelled at her SIL to 'get over herself.'
Yes, it’s a shame that her wedding didn’t go as planned, but the OP’s husband died!
“My in-laws heard us and came to stop everything before it escalated. I told her to leave and never come back unless she apologized,” the OP recalled.
Her in-laws, still completely unaware of what had happened, told A to take B home and were upset with the OP “for causing a scene in their son's wake.”
She chose not to tell them what B said, but A filled them in later.
“He and B had a fight and they had moved their honeymoon which was supposed to be a month after we bury my husband,” the OP wrote.
“To make the long story short, B didn't apologize,” she continued. The two still haven’t spoken since her husband’s funeral, and the OP won’t go to family dinners anymore — although she does have a good relationship with her in-laws.
“I do believe that I have all the right to be angry at B but I also want to make my in-laws happy,” she explained. “They have been nothing but good to me and unless B and I make up, there will always be tension in our family.”
Now she wonders if she was the one in the wrong. “So AITA for the way I reacted? Was kicking her out an overreaction?”
Overwhelmingly, people thought the OP's SIL had shown her true colors — and it wasn't pretty.
“[Not the A–hole]," one commenter assured her. "I'm not entirely sure why the in-laws keep inviting her to things after what she said, or why A even stayed married to her, but that's for them to worry about. You are under no obligation to go out of your way to socialize with someone who refuses to acknowledge their breathtaking insensitivity and self-centeredness."
Another person agreed, writing, “She basically said your husband died on purpose to ruin her wedding. That is beyond AH. Its cruel, insensitive and all that. For me, that would be a lifelong No Contact."
“Tragedy can strike at any time," someone else wrote. "You BIL's new bride needs to learn that. I still can't believe how she made a family death all about herself and how inconvenient it was for her. Telling you to pay half her wedding costs is one of the most insensitive things I've ever heard of. My condolences to you."
Unfortunately, the only person who can make things right is the OP's SIL, but we wouldn't expect an apology anytime soon.
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