When couples decide to get married, they usually take vows to stay together and remain faithful even during difficult times. Spouses undoubtedly challenge the strength of their marriages occasionally, but hopefully, there’s nothing so great that will tear them apart. Unfortunately, sometimes things come totally out of the blue and it feels like there is no way to recover, like when someone decides they want an open relationship.
A woman posted in Reddit’s AITAH forum asking if she was wrong for choosing to end her marriage because her husband decided he wanted an open marriage. This apparently came out of nowhere and now she has major trust issues. It looks like most people don’t blame her.
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The couple was always monogamous.
The original poster explained that during their four-year marriage and dating life prior, she and her husband always practiced monogamy. But suddenly, he wants to open their marriage even though he loves her “deeply.” He thought having sex with other people could give them a little extra spice.
“I was shocked. I’ve always been monogamous, and we had never discussed anything like this before, even while dating. When we got married, we promised to be committed to each other,” she wrote. “This felt like a betrayal of those vows to me. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but he kept bringing it up, insisting it could strengthen our relationship.”
As soon as OP expressed her concern, her husband backed off.
But it became complicated. Instead of comforting OP, he told her this decision could come back to haunt her, which totally rubbed OP the wrong way.
“Eventually, he said he would respect my boundaries but admitted he might end up resenting me later for holding him back. That statement crushed me,” she wrote. “It became clear that we were no longer on the same page about something fundamental. I didn’t want to stay in a marriage where I’d always feel like I wasn’t enough or worry about future resentment. So, I decided to end it.”
Now, she feels like if he wants sex with other people, he can have it because their marriage over.
OP's husband might already have tested the waters.
Some Redditors think the cheating already might have begun. “[Not the A–hole]. Likely he is already cheating or at the very least is in an emotional affair,” someone wrote.
This person thinks so, too, and commented, “He is already stepping out. He wants to stop hiding it.”
If he hasn’t cheated yet, this person thinks it’s coming. “NTA he found someone else he wants to cheat with but suggested an open relationship to cover. He is going to start seeing that other woman real soon,” the commenter wrote.
Open marriage doesn't work for just one person.
If only one person is on board, that’s just a cheater, and Redditors thought OP had every right to walk away.
“You are not the a–hole for ending your marriage over this. You have a right to uphold your values and boundaries,” someone pointed out. “Your husband’s desire for an open marriage is a fundamental difference that you shouldn’t have to compromise on if it makes you uncomfortable.”
Another person agreed that boundaries are so important.
“You’re allowed to set boundaries in your marriage, and being pressured into an open relationship you’re not comfortable with isn’t fair. You deserve a partner who fully aligns with your values and respects your feelings,” the person commented.
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It's OK for OP to move on.
She didn’t sign up for an open marriage, so she doesn’t have to be part of one. If that’s what her husband wants, he can have it, but not with her.
Someone put it beautifully: “Marriage is about mutual respect and trust, and if you’re not on the same page, it’s better to part ways than compromise your values.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
