It doesn’t feel good when we find out someone doesn’t like us. We take it personally, wonder what we did wrong, and it can weigh heavily. But the reality of life is that not everyone is going to get along. Sometimes, no matter what we do, that person is never going to feel differently about us. What makes the whole thing harder, though, is when the person who doesn’t like us is someone in our family – such as a mother-in-law.
Ask a group of people if they get along with their MIL, and the response is likely to be mixed. Of course, there are people who adore their MIL and feel loved and cared for the way one would expect of any mother. Some go above and beyond to be there for their children by marriage, and that younger generation could never imagine what life would be like without them in their lives.
But there are some people who feel the exact opposite and have MILs that make their life so miserable that any interaction is conflict. There’s no trust or love, and the relationship can be quite draining and toxic over time. Those MILs are so destructive that if some people were given the opportunity to get married all over again, the answer might not be yes.
And that’s what one Reddit user posed to the Mothers In Law From Hell community.
In this Reddit forum, people are encouraged “to vent and get our frustrations out about our less then pleasant situations.” The goal is to build a community where people can “help each other and find ways to learn to outsmart our hellish MIL's.”
That is exactly what user colorful_happy hoped to do when the person asked a thought-provoking question.
Would You Change Things?
Writing to the community, colorful_happy wrote, “Today, it hit me. If I’d known how horrible my MIL would be, I wouldn’t have married my husband. If I’d known all the ways in which this cruel monster would crush my soul, I would’ve laced up my shoes and run the f–k away. I really wish I’d known.”
They then wanted to hear from everyone else, hoping that they weren’t alone in the struggle. “Does anyone else feel this way?” the person wrote before turning it over to the community. And they came through with some stories.
One Person Fully Did Know
The person who posed the question asked if anyone would change their minds about getting married if they knew then what they known now. One forum user did know but ignored the signs anyway.
“I did know,” the person admitted. “I saw how she treated the other DIL (who was in another league of her own). I've been able for the most part to ignore her. Unless she insults me to my face (which she's done).”
Meddling MIL
“We were young and it was a first significant relationship for both of us. The two of us connected beautifully and each of us gained a lot from each other and brought the best out of one another,” another user wrote.
“However there came a time where the relationship’s progress came to a halt. I’m talking I wasn’t invited to family events, any time I was over I was watched under a microscope,” the person continued.
She explained that it got to a point where the person asked her partner to stand up to her mom, which he couldn’t, and their relationship ended.
I Would Have Run for the Hills
Someone else explained that she isn’t sure where she lands on this but is leaning toward rethinking the marrying bit.
“I’m torn on this one. I feel as though I will never connect with a man the way I do with my DH,” she wrote. “I really do believe he is my soulmate as corny as that sounds. However, I think that had I known how crazy his entire family was, I definitely would've [run] for the hills.”
So Many Signs
“Hindsight; I should have ran like Bolt when she, as a non drinker, downed a whole glass of whiskey when he proposed,” another commenter shared. “Or maybe when she wore a long white dress for the wedding. Or before that when she argued that the unborn children were only allowed to learn her mother tongue and not mine. There were SO MANY signs but we were young and naive.”
People Don’t Change
Yet another person wishes they let go of the relationship years before, explaining, “I just wish I would have dropped the rope years ago when she started being mean to me. I tried so incredibly hard to get her to like me and accept me into the family. But I learned the hard way, people don't typically change and some things are just out of your control.”
She Did Damage
“No,” another person replied to the question about marrying again if she knew how MIL was going to be. “In fact, I am getting divorced after 20 years together and 2 kids. The underlying reason is that we could not bounce back from all the damage she did to our relationship. That he never had my back when dealing with her made it worse.
"That said, I love my kids more than anything so I wouldn't trade them for the world," she continued. "But if I could do it over again, he would have been boyfriend and sperm donor and not the person I thought I'd grow old with.”
No and Nope.
Another forum user answered this question honestly, saying that she would not have married her husband years and years ago if she knew what she would be in store for with her mother-in-law. She explained that her husband was “great” but she described her MIL as a “life-sucking nightmare that made me miserable for 25+ years.”
If Things Were Different, It Would Be a No
For another person, proximity was important. She shared that if she and her family lived closer to her MIL, she likely would not have married her partner.
“If we lived closer (we’re around 8 hours away), I wouldn’t have,” she admitted. “I cut the cord years ago though and didn’t see nor speak to her for 5-6 years. My children are also no contact and my husband is very low contact.”
He Failed
Another person felt very similarly. If marrying their partner meant having their child every time, they would still marry him. But if that was not a factor, the story would be different.
“Only because of our amazing little 5’8” miracle girlie,” the person explained. “But no, I wouldn’t. He failed to defend me while I otoh married him against my mom’s wishes. He’s part of the hurt.”
I Wish I Never Met Him
“I have days I wish I never met him even though I do not regret our daughter,” one person wrote. “Our marriage has been fixated on his mom. [B]y the time my husband came to terms with his mother being abusive and a control freak. that was about 10 years later. The damage is already done."
By then, "she abused us all. My husband defended the b#@ch for 10 years cause he was scared of her, didn’t know any better.”
MIL Was the Cause
One person wrote on Reddit that his MIL is the reason he and his wife split up.
“I'm currently awaiting a divorce. Been going back & forth just trying to get my personal items,” he began. “My MIL is the cause for our separation & pending divorce. I never envisioned a future without my wife.
"She was in most aspects what I had searched my life to find. Neither of us were perfect but had her mother (my mil) not had daily, & on some days hourly access to my wife we would still be raising our son in a mostly happy marriage.”
I Would Have Reconsidered
“He's a saint and after some discussions he's standing up to his crazy parents,” one person wrote. “Also, we do not live close by so them causing trouble is not a frequent thing to happen. But yes, I would have reconsidered the situation if I knew before. It took me until our first was born until they revealed their craziness to me because without the kid they've been odd and never showed much interest.”
24 Years Later and She’s Still a Problem
One commenter knew who her MIL was, but if she knew then that her husband would never see his mom as responsible for some issues, she would have reconsidered.
“More if I had known my ex would not see his mother's behavior, I would not have married him. I was literally the first girl he ever brought home, and the first words out of her mouth to me were rude. At the time I ignored it, I'd been dating him for 6 weeks and figured that was the first and last time I'd see her anyway," she wrote.
"24 years and 2 kids later, we were in divorce court, because ‘My mom wouldn't say/do anything like that!’ when she had done it and both his younger sibs would yell at her in the moment that she was being rude/mean.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
