As told to Lauren Levy by Kristy Watson
TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains images and information about stillbirths and infant loss, which may be triggering to some.
I fell pregnant in December 2017 with someone who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who I'd been with for three years on and off and was very much with. Someone who tried for a month with me to fall pregnant.
We did, and then it turned into I did.
Unfortunately, I found out the month we were trying for a baby that he was on drugs and was seeing someone else. But I was already pregnant.
I did my pregnancy alone. No emotional support, no financial support, nothing.
I was eight weeks pregnant when my child’s "father" walked out on us. I never understood how someone could actually do such a thing. That’s your own flesh and blood that you created, you didn’t want a part of.
But I then had to find out that there was someone else. So for the next few months, I had to watch the person who didn’t want to be a part of their child’s life post pictures with someone else’s child, rub it in my face that he didn’t want us and he was happy with his new little family.
But that’s when I knew that I either had to accept that I was going to be doing this with or without him. I chose without.
Because I thought that after seeing that little 8-week-old baby on that screen, that if you could still not want to be a part of it then you were never brought up on the same love as I was.
From eight weeks on, my ex had nothing to do with me. He did text a few times but only ever to tell me he didn’t want to be a dad.
Twenty weeks flew by, and at 21 weeks, I found out I was having a boy. That’s when my whole life changed that I was going to be raising a little gentlemen; a mommy’s boy.
I remember I was around 26 weeks and I had to see my ex to tell him what I was doing with his birth certificate — only to be told I had to go see his lawyer to write something up saying I would not be asking him for child support. If I was going to put him on that birth certificate that I was going to leave him "homeless."
It wasn’t until I was 30 weeks pregnant -- on the day of my baby shower -- that my ex and his new girlfriend decided that they were going to announce their dreams had come true: They were expecting.
On my baby shower, the day I just had celebrated with all my family and friends who had supported me through my whole pregnancy, was when I had to find that out. They took the photos a few days before but waited until the day of my baby shower to announce it on social media.
You honestly couldn’t think it could get any worse, but it did. Then came the abuse, the phone calls, and the apparent "restraining order" against me. Why? Because my child was going to have a baby brother to a father who didn’t even want my son in his life.
Two weeks later, I gave birth to my lifeless son.
He somehow found out and then I got texts from him saying, "Clean yourself up and move on" and "You're making yourself look like an idiot" two days after I had just buried my baby.
He texted me these cruel messages 15 minutes after I announced my son's stillbirth. It made my family and friends very upset that he could say such a thing after he had such an impact on my son's death with all the stress he caused me. But I had just buried my son so that gave me perspective. No matter what anyone says to me now doesn’t phase me for the fact I don’t think anything could hurt as bad as losing my baby.
I responded asking how could he say those things after everything that had happened and not to tell me how to deal with the situation. I was going to deal with it however I felt like. I also got calls saying that Kaycen wasn’t even his, that there was no proof that he was, and that he was going to place a restraining order because I was telling people the truth about what he did to me.
All I’m trying to say is please make sure before you try for your family that the other person isn’t going to take that all away from you.
That stress through pregnancy is not healthy nor good for you or the baby. Please look after those precious little loves that you spend nine months creating, because you never know what can happen.
Never ever let a man tell you that you can’t do something because I did and then with the worst possible outcome. I kept going, still going, and I realized I had no one to prove but myself. I live an exhausting, painful life but I have made something of what had to be the worst thing I’ve ever endured.
My ex thought he won but in reality, I was the one that did because I become Kaycen's mom and there’s nothing that could take ever that away from me.
I’ve succeeded even though my world around me came crushing down. Nothing is more powerful than to have had someone run you into the ground for you to get back on your own two feet and show them that they didn’t win.
To all my single mommas, know you’ve got this. I preach to every single parent out there doing it on their own. I may not know what’s it’s like to cater to a baby 24/7 on my own but know that I envy you in every way. Because parenthood is hard but one of the biggest blessing you will ever encounter. Hold your little ones a little tighter tonight and know how lucky you are to have them call you mom or dad.
My baby has a mother that loves him more than the world, a family that cherishes him more than anything, and that’s all he’ll ever need.
