Grief is different for everyone, and healing comes in many forms. Nothing can prepare a parent for the loss of a child and life will never be the same again. Tamara Spearing became pregnant with her daughter, Gwendolyn, at age 26. The pregnancy came as surprise, but it was a wanted blessing. Spearing had no idea she and Gwendolyn would have a short, but profound time together.
Today, Spearing uses social media to help other mothers navigate the world of child loss and to help them realize that itâs OK to have both grief and joy in our lives. Spearing told Newsweek that she went into labor with Gwendolyn at just 28 weeks. Motherhood came in an instant and she quickly delivered a 2-pound, 10-ounce baby girl. Gwendolynâs life faced challenges from day one. Newsweek reported that she was born with esophageal atresia with tracheoesophageal fistula.
In her first 170 days of life in the hospital, the tiny baby had brain bleeds and underdeveloped lungs. She went through multiple surgeries. Her mother said she survived and thrived against all odds.
“Appointments were farther and farther between; she was attending playgroups and making friends; she was learning and discovering as a child should be at her age,” Spearing recalled. “For the first time in her life, she was able to be just a kid.”
Tragically, on April 5, 2022, Gwendolynâs heart stopped beating. No one knows why, but Spearing said some specialists suspected a seizure or undetected heart failure.
“I may never know why my daughter passed, and although I know now sometimes things just aren’t meant to have an explanation, I still lay awake at nights contemplating the days leading up to her death and wondering if there was something I missed and if there was something apparent; maybe I could have saved her,” Spearing told Newsweek.
She added that while she spent some time feeling angry and confused, she channeled those emotions into The Gwen Effect, a foundation and podcast where she honorâs her late daughterâs memory.
Just shy of the third anniversary of Gwenâs death, Spearing shared a raw post on Instagram.
âThe day I looked death in the eye when we were told there was nothing more they could do . I met the very bottom of rock bottom and was faced with two very different choices . Die with my daughter or live for the both of us,â she wrote. âYou see thatâs death .. youâre here one minute and gone the next . [Losing] her has taught me to live and love like there is no tomorrow .. because life and growing old is a privilege not a promise.â
