My Wife Wants To Divorce Me Because I Refuse To Blame My Mom for Our Daughter’s Death

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A husband on Reddit has found himself in an impossible situation. While his mother was caring for his daughter, the toddler was left alone and died as a result. Naturally, because the child was in his mother’s care, his wife blames her mother-in-law for her daughter’s death.

Now, the wife is demanding that he go no-contact with his mother, putting the husband in a situation that doesn’t have a happy ending. He doesn’t know what to do, and asking others for advice on the impossible situation.

The family lost their child in a horrible accident.

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In the Reddit post, the husband explained that his 2-year-old daughter drowned in a swimming pool while his mother was inside the house checking the smoke alarm that was going off. The grandmother was inside the house for “exactly two minutes,” according to security cameras.

“She had crawled in while my mother was gone,” he explained of his daughter. “My mother tried CPR and couldn’t save her. Also worth mentioning she lives really rurally and it took 30 minutes for EMS to show up.”

The incident had a profound impact on the entire family.

As a result of the drowning, the man explained that his mother has been “super depressed,” and has “attempted suicide 3 times.”

The husband revealed that he and his wife have been in grief counseling since their daughter’s death. During a recent session, the wife expressed that “one of the things that would make her feel better” would be if the man “cut all contact with my mother.” He has refused to do so, stating, “I don’t think she should be cut off for an unfortunate accident that she obviously feels very bad for.”

The wife has gone no contact with her mother-in-law, which her husband understands.

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“I never pushed or asked her to resume contact with my mom, and I’m ok with it if she never does,” the husband explained. “However, she wants me to join her in NC with my mom and feels betrayed that I haven’t, and has been mentioning it over and over again.”

Things between the couple “came to a head” when the wife saw him with a birthday present for his mother. “She told me that she can’t stay with me if I ‘betray my wife and child’ by keeping contact with someone who was ‘responsible for her and failed her,’ and she threatened to file for divorce, saying it’s either her or my mom. I tried reasoning with her and sympathizing, but I held my boundary of not cutting my mom off, and the night ended with her packing a bag and leaving for a hotel.”

He understands where his wife is coming from, and doesn’t want to divorce, but is afraid that if he cuts off his mom, she will attempt suicide again. “From my pov as well as the pov of the law, she didn’t do anything wrong, and was also the victim of a traumatizing accident,” he said.

Some people offered sympathy, but don't see a way forward for the relationship.

“I don’t see your marriage surviving this,” someone wrote. “Your mother will always be a trigger for your wife and a reminder that she’s the reason her child isn’t here. Losing a child is not something that you ever recover from.”

“I don’t think there’s any way out of this that doesn’t leave one of them out of your life,” another person commented. “If you choose your wife and cut contact with Mom, would you be able to stay in the marriage if that leads to Mom making another (possibly successful) attempt? That seems to be your greatest worry, so its a question that needs to be considered.”

One person wrote: “You are not the a–hole for not wanting to cut your mother off. She is not the a–hole for wanting someone to blame for the tragedy, it’s only been a year and she’s only human. I would advise both of you to not do anything under this much emotional distress, but then again there’s little you can do if she decides to divorce you anyway. The only a–hole here is the fact that we don’t have enough access to emergency care in rural areas, and the powers that be who deny us the funding to achieve that.”

“Unfortunately I don’t see your marriage surviving this situation,” someone else commented. “Right now it is cutting off contact with your mom but as time moves on if another child blesses your lives are you prepared for your wife to want your mom to have zero contact also? Like it or not your wife and you are the victims of your own mom’s negligence.”

Many people were far more harsh in their comments.

“I mean leaving a 2 year old by the pool is grossly negligent,” someone pointed out. “I can see why your wife does not want to see her. She lost her child due to someone’s bad decisions. Chances are this will end in divorce.”

Another wrote: “I know you don’t want to hear it…but your mom WAS responsible for her death. She left your daughter alone near a body of water…you never do that. EVER. Children drown in puddles. As someone who raised kids she should all but know that. She knows she is the cause…which is why she is spiraling the way she is.”

“Your mother killed your daughter by her criminal negligence,” someone else asserted. “It’s amazing that she wasn’t charged. The instant your mother left your daughter unattended in order to deal with the alarm, your daughter’s fate was sealed. Her death was entirely predictable and entirely due to your mother’s actions. YTA.”

“I’m with your wife on this one honestly…why would you leave a two year old by themselves?” another comment reads. “Even if it’s a false FIRE ALARM…it would make sense to take the kid with you as a precautionary. When a fire alarm goes off your first instinct should be to take the kid with you in case a fire or smoke did go off not leave the baby. I hope she divorces you.”

Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.